Got My Back
by AuthorA97
Summary: The apocalypse comes in stages. This is Stage Two. (Part 2 of Angel Grace series in Spencer Saga!)
1. In My Time Of Dying

There was the steady beat-beat of a heart rate to Katelynn's right. She listened to it in the background, focusing more on the Netflix app on her phone.

Cause that heartbeat was the main thing telling her Morgan was still alive.

Katelynn wanted to be the one to kill Morgan.

How _dare she_ leave her alone to suffer in this hell?

_Exile on Main Street_ was going to kill her.

Like...really.

All that pain.

All that turmoil.

For _this_?!

Katelynn wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. These Winchester's were just tearing her heart in two!

But Morgan was fine.

She was in the medical wing, but she was fine. Usually whenever she Traveled from the Center, she was taken to the medical wing. It was the usual method for Travelling- Morgan just loved being contrary to Ms Tracy.

Usually for Morgan's safety, it was better to be in here. Just in case something happened during her journeys that required someone on this side.

Katelynn had only seen the files. She'd known that nothing too crazy happened after Morgan left. It was a quiet hour at the Center until she came back.

So, Katelynn thought she'd watch _Supernatural_. She had to get through season 6.

What a fool she'd been, listening to Morgan about it.

"_You know Dean, believe it or not, I get it, Dean. You wanted a normal life. Your mother wanted a normal life, too. You remind me of her, actually. The attitude, for one thing-"_

The door nearby was thrown open. Katelynn shot up, pressing pause on the phone. "Ms Strauss! I was just- oh."

It wasn't Katelynn's boss (also Morgan's) walking in.

Or...well...one _could_ say she was Morgan's boss.

An eight year old girl walked quietly into the medical lab. She kept her attention towards Morgan, not even looking Katelynn's way.

Katelynn watched as the girl took the seat across from her- the one on Morgan's other side. The child reached up, holding her mother's hand. She'd never seen a dragon before, but the dark blue hair was a give away.

"She's okay, Lilac." Katelynn assured. "It's jus-"

"She told me about it last night." Lilac replied. She had a soft small voice, the kind that reminded one of a Disney princess that hadn't grown up yet. "She said it was scary."

She tried to string together a reply of assurance- something to tell this young dragon that her mother wasn't risking her life in a literal horror world. "It can be." Katelynn answered. "But your mom is tough. She can take on monsters."

Lilac reached up, holding her mother's hand.

Katelynn sat back. The girl was practically dismissing her. Not that she didn't understand, it was just that Katelynn couldn't leave unless either Tracy came by or Morgan returned. It felt wrong to intrude on this family moment.

That's when Morgan's heart rate spiked.

And spiked _badly_. Ten seconds where Morgan's heart rate was above normal. The kind of spike that would send in doctors if this was a proper hospital.

Lilac's head snapped to the monitor, narrowing her slitted eyes at it. Katelynn was certain there would be a hiss following.

"It's okay!" Katelynn interjected. "She's okay. Time works differently during Travels. She can spend ages on that side, and only an hour here. She's okay."

"No she's not." Lilac replied. She held her mother's hand with both of her hands now, holding tight as if her mother was an object of her hoard. "Something happened and she's hurt."

Katelynn truly had nothing to say to that. Because whenever that spike happened, it did indeed mean that on Morgan's side she'd been hurt. Katelynn didn't want to wake the sleeping dragon, so she said nothing.

Neither of them said anything.

Lilac glared at the heart rate monitor, like it had killed her mother.

Katelynn wondered which episode Morgan must be living, to show off that kind of pain.

==GMB==

Sam heard footsteps. He had woken up- every part of him screaming in pain. He had held off screaming as he heard footsteps outside the car.

He pulled out the Colt, waiting.

A man- looking like a trucker but walking too slow to be anything human- stopped at his door. The demon opened the car door, being met by the Colt.

"Back. Or I'll kill you, I swear to god." Sam promised.

The demon was smiling. Sam could barely make out the black eyes. Not _the_ demon, then. "You won't. You're saving that bullet for someone else."

Sam cocked the gun. "You wanna bet?"

The demon smirked. A smug look that made Sam want to pull the trigger anyway. Before he got the chance, the demon flew out of his host.

Sam uncocked the gun. He let his body sag against the seat in relief.

He hadn't heard from the others.

"Oh my god!" The host gasped.

"Dad?" Sam prompted. He couldn't see in the dark what his dad looked like, or if his dad's eyes were open. "Dad!"

"Did I do this?"

"Raven?" He called for his sister. He knew she had been sitting on that side of the car. He couldn't hear anything from her either. "Raven!"

Still nothing.

_God no, no. No not- not them._

Sam couldn't take it if he lost all of them. Not like _this._

"Dean? _Dean!"_

==GMB==

The man had enough wits about him to call 911. It had taken a while before ambulances arrived, including a helicopter.

Sam was being strapped to a stretcher. He couldn't see anything about his family.

He could hear the muttering on and on over him about his own injuries. Nothing about Dad or Raven or Dean.

"Tell me if they're okay!" He shouted at the paramedics.

"You have to stay still!" One told him.

"Are they even alive?" Sam yelled.

None of them answered.

They just loaded him onto the helicopter.

==GMB==

Sam was essentially given a clean bill of health. Aside from his bruises, bandages for the cuts, and some pain killers, he was okay to walk around the hospital.

The doctors had told him about his father, how he had made it out of surgery okay. His siblings were still waiting.

He checked on Dean the moment he could. His brother was hooked up to so many tubes and wires were everywhere.

"Oh, no." Sam sighed. He walked up to Dean's bedside, to his body.

Sam was spared further bemoaning when the doctor walked in. "Your father's awake. You can go see him if you like."

But Sam couldn't feel relief. Not yet. "Doc, what about my brother and sister?" Sam asked.

"Well, your brother sustained serious injury: blood loss, contusions to his liver and kidney, and we patched up the internal bleeding. The swelling will go down in a matter it time. He'll be alright if he gets his rest." The doctor reported.

"And my sister?" Sam asked.

"Her condition is more worrisome." The doctor admitted. Sam listened, ignoring his senses of panic. "She had major cuts on her arm. That along with the side contusions and the concussion, she's in it for the long haul. From what we can see and what the paramedics told us about how she was positioned, it's likely she took the brunt of the damage, blocked it from hitting your brother. Her cut was infected. We're still trying to see what that is to counteract it."

"Well, what can we do?" Sam asked.

"Well, we won't know her full condition until she wakes up." The doctor explained. "_If_ she wakes up."

"If?" Sam repeated.

"I have to be honest, most people with this degree of injury wouldn't have survived this long." The doctor admitted. "She's fighting very hard. But you need to have realistic expectations."

"Show me." Sam requested.

The doctor nodded. He walked Sam to the next room over.

Raven has a feeding tube in her mouth. There were three different monitors, looking over different things. He heard one on her heart rate. She had on so many bandages on her.

And all Sam could think was that she might not make it.

His long lost sister.

His own twin.

Gone.

_She might not make it_.

==GMB==

_Someone was holding my hand._

_I squeezed back._

==GMB==

Lilac inhaled sharply. She squeezed back.

==GMB==

_I smiled._

_Then I realized...I couldn't move my lips._

"_Raven! Raven! Come on. You gotta be out here too."_

_Dean?_

==GMB==

John was in his bed, as casual as could be. He handed Sam an insurance card. "Here. Give them my insurance."

Sam took the card, taking the seat beside John's bed. He read the name. "Elroy McGillicutty?"

"And his two loving sons and his doting daughter." John stated. "So, what else did the doctor say about Raven and Dean?"

"Nothing." Sam replied. He didn't want to say anymore about Raven's condition than he already had. Knowing she'd kept Dean from being hurt, that she could die for that...

'_Because it was to help keep you safe. I...kinda get tunnel vision where that's concerned.'_

Sam put the thought to the side. He had to focus on how he could help. Dean and Raven wouldn't be left helpless. "Look. The doctors won't do anything, then we'll have to, that's all. I don't know, I'll find some hoodoo priest and lay some mojo on them."

"We'll look for someone." John told him.

Sam wasn't convinced. "Yeah."

"But Sam, I don't know if we're gonna find anyone." John told him.

_Case in point. _"So what? Do we just sit here with our thumbs up our ass?"

"No, I said we'd look. All right? I'll check under every stone." John replied. Sam was still on edge. He could feel his racing heartbeat, could feel the panic and fear tipping him over the line. He didn't want. "Where's the Colt?"

"Your daughter is dying, your son is hurt, and you're worried about the Colt?" Sam questioned.

"We're hunting this demon, and maybe it's hunting us too." John reminded him. As if Sam needed reminding about how they got in this situation. That John's shoulder wasn't bandaged up from Raven trying twice to take out that demon, that the very knife she used hadn't given her an infection. "That gun may be our only card."

"It's in the trunk." Sam eventually admitted, feeling defeated. "They dragged the car to a yard off of I-83."

"Alright. You've gotta clean out that trunk before some junk man sees what's inside." John decided.

"I already called Bobby." Sam explained. It was one of the first things he did after the doctors and police explained everything. "He's like an hour out, he's gonna tow the Impala back to his place."

"All right. You, you go meet up with Bobby. You get that Colt, and you bring it back to me. And you watch out for hospital security." John instructed.

"I think I've got it covered." Sam reported-like an obedient soldier. He stood up from the chair, hating that it felt like he was barely doing anything for Dean and Raven. For his family.

"Hey." John stopped him. Sam turned to him. John held out a sheet of paper. "Here. I made a list of things I need, have Bobby pick them up for me."

Sam took the paper. "Acacia? Oil of Abramelin? What's this stuff for?"

"Protection." John answered.

"Hey, Dad? You know, the demon, he said he had plans for us, and children like us." Sam admitted. He thought about Max, about all the other kids John's cases talked about, thought about Raven and what the demon had said about her sister. "Do you have any idea what he meant by that?"

"No, I don't." He replied.

But Sam could tell it wasn't the full truth.

He walked out of the room.

_(If he felt something at his side, he wrote it off.)_

==GMB==

"_Well, you sure know something."_

"_Hey at least we won't be alone for long."_

"_How do you mean?"_

"_They'll kill each other soon enough."_

"_I hate that you have a point."_

==GMB==

Sam looked at the Impala. One clear thought struck his mind. Bobby stood at his side, probably thinking the same thing.

"Oh man, Dean is gonna be pissed."

"Look, Sam. This... this just ain't worth a tow." Bobby checked the lid to the engine. It clanked apart in his hands. Sam checked the trunk looking for his stuff. "I say we empty the trunk, sell the rest for scrap."

Sam's laptop had been shattered, along with most of the luggage. The only thing really together was Raven's bag. "No. Dean would kill me if we did that. When he gets better he's gonna want to fix this."

"There's nothing to fix." Bobby informed. Sam reached for the bag, and other small items he could scrounge up. He pointedly ignored the blood splashed across the buttons pinned to it. "The frame's a pretzel, and the engine's ruined. There's barely any parts worth salvaging."

"Listen to me, Bobby. If there's only one working part, that's enough." Sam assured him. "We're not just going to give up on-" He dropped off the rest, his grief coming back harsh and cold.

"Okay. You got it." Bobby nodded.

"Here, uh, Dad asked for you to get this stuff for him." Sam held out John's requested list to Bobby.

Bobby read it over. He frowned at the sheet. "What's John want with this?"

"Protection from the demon." Sam answered. Bobby made a face- one full of doubt. He hid it just as fast. "What?"

"Nothing, it's just, um." Bobby dragged off.

"Bobby? What's going on?" Sam asked.

==GMB==

"_You always had it out for Dad."_

"_Of course I do."_

"_Why? What he ever do to you?"_

"_Dean-"_

"_I mean it. I want to know. You know more than you've said. Tell me. Right now."_

"_I don't want to say it."_

"_I don't care. Tell me now."_

"_...I saw it. On you both. You...you just had this look sometimes. And I remember it."_

"_Remember what?"_

"_Remember what it's like to go hungry so someone else can eat. To be alone. To be someone's mom and dad and sibling all at the same time. Wanting so badly to be validated by them, and realizing one day it would never come."_

"_It's not like your house."_

"_It didn't have to be. Abuse doesn't always mean throwing punches at your kids. Sometimes it's leaving them to fend for themselves. It can be putting a gun in their hands and telling them the only way they'll matter is if they can shoot something between the eyes. Tell me it wasn't like that."_

"_..."_

"_I can understand his pain. He suffered through so much. Losing Mary, apparently losing me, that takes a heavy toll I hope I never have to experience. Taking care of kids after a loss like that is hard. But would you ever treat kids the way John treated you?"_

"_Raven. Why are you telling me all of this?"_

"_Because I'm getting the feeling that you'll wake up first."_

==GMB==

One person stood by the bedside.

One sat beside.

One stood in the hall, just listening in.

All were watching the body on the bed.

John Winchester was staring at his eldest child. A lost look in his gaze.

"_Come on, Dad. You gotta help us. We gotta get better. We gotta get back in there. I mean, you haven't called a soul for help. You haven't even tried." Dean pleaded._

John continued to stare at his comatose son.

"_Aren't you gonna do anything? Aren't you even gonna say anything?" Dean asked. "I've always done everything you've ever asked me. Everything. I've given everything I've ever had. Now you're just gonna sit there and watch me die? What- what next you're just going to walk over to Raven's bed, the daughter you thought was dead for years, and let her go again? Like she hadn't even been around at all? I mean, what the hell kind of father are you?"_

==GMB==

Sam stormed back into his dad's hospital room. He stared out the window, trying to sort himself through before talking to his father. He put down Raven's bag, knowing that it was one of her most treasured things that deserves to be handled carefully.

_(If he felt something at his sides, heard the faintest of whispers in the back of his mind like whispers of a breeze, he ignored them)_

"You're quiet." John noted.

Well that threw out all his hard work to control himself. Sam snapped towards his father, enraged. He threw the duffle bag of salvage from the car on the foot of the bed. It just barely avoided hitting John's feet. "Did you think I wouldn't find out?"

John glanced to the duffle bag, then to Sam. "What are you talking about?"

"That stuff from Bobby, you don't use it to ward off a demon, you use it to summon one." Sam accused. John looked away from his, face practically carved from stone. "You're planning on bringing the demon here, aren't you? Having some stupid macho showdown?!"

"I _have _a plan, Sam." John stated cryptically.

But Sam heard all the times Raven said she had a plan, all the times Dean said it. Both of them- Sam realized- with the same smirk on their faces. "_That's exactly my point_! Raven is dying, Dean hasn't woken up yet, and you have a plan! You know what, you care more about killing this demon than you do saving your own daughter!"

"Do not tell me how I feel! I am doing this _for_ Raven." John shouted.

"How? How is revenge going to help her?" Sam shouted back. You're not thinking about anybody but yourself, it's the same selfish obsession!"

"You know, it's funny, I thought it was _your _obsession too!" John snapped. "This demon killed your mother, took your sister, killed your girlfriend. You _begged me _to be part of this hunt. Now if you'd let Raven kill that damn thing when she had the chance, none of this would have happened."

"It was possessing you, Dad, she would have killed you too." Sam reminded him, yelling still.

"Yeah, and your sister and brother would be awake right now." John told him. "At least she would've done it!"

_And her promising that was the last thing I heard her say._

"_You would've died in front of your kids- just a short while-"_

"_Raven I get it. You can stop."_

Sam could still remember hearing her pained screams, before blacking out.

He remembered the doctor saying that she had gotten her injuries blocking Dean.

_She was fighting_

"Go to hell." Sam spat at him.

John "I should have never taken you along in the first place. I knew it was a mistake, I knew I was wrong-"

A glass of water fell off the table.

The chair near them slammed into the wall. It fell on it's side.

Sam stared at the puddle, and then looked at the turned over chair.

He...he wondered-

Outside, doctors and nurses rushed by.

"Something's going on out there." John stated. He jerked his head to the hall.

Sam nodded. He ran out after them.

==GMB==

Morgan shook on the hospital bed.

Lilac yelped. "Mom!"

Katelynn sat up. She checked the medical scanners. On them, they reported that Morgan's powers had spiked. Like, her _real _powers had spiked.

Something over there was strong enough to nearly send her back Home.

Or worse yet, Morgan almost died.

==GMB==

He saw the doctors and nurses were running into Raven's room. Sam panicked, running to it. Sam heard the the long beep from the monitors. They were trying to resuscitate her.

"All clear." A doctor called out.

There was a loud beep. They pressed the pads on Raven's chest. She arched up.

The monitor was still flatlining.

Sam shook his head. His eyes were watering, hot tears dripping out. "No."

"Still no pulse." A nurse reported.

"Okay, let's go again, 360." A doctor ordered. He held the pads up again.

"Charging." The nurse answered.

Sam watched from the doorway. He didn't know what to do. He had no idea how to- what should he do? He didn't want to lose Raven, not after just finding her. He could barely believe that he had a twin sister, much less that she had been by there side. Now to lose her again? So soon after having her as part of their family? So soon after losing Jess?

He couldn't do it.

"_I said get off her!"_

"_Dean no!"_

Sam paused. He looked over his shoulder, searching for that faded voice. Was- had that been-

The nurses tried again.

"Clear!" The doctor pressed the clamps against Raven's chest.

She arched up once more.

Sam held his breath.

The monitor began to beep.

"We have a pulse. We're back into sinus rhythm." A nurse reported.

Sam could finally breathe. The beeping of her heart monitor assured him that she was still fighting. That she still could beat this.

He walked out, heading back to John's room when he saw nurses walk out of Dean's room. He could hear the yelling plain as day.

"Hey! I said where's my brother!"

He turned his head.

Dean was awake.

"Dean." Sam sighed in relief. He went to his brother's side.

"Sammy!" Dean sighed in relief.

Sam did his best to hug Dean, who still had some wires coming from his arm. "You're olay."

"So they say." Dean commented as the hug ended. "What's happening with Raven? I've got a bad feeling."

Sam's stomach fell through the floor.

==GMB==

Sam reporter to Dean everything. Raven's condition, how they weren't sure if she would make it. Hell they weren't sure about Dean until he woke up.

He told Dean about the spilled water and the chair being thrown.

"I bet we full on Swayze'd that mother." Dean joked.

"Dean."

"Right. Yeah. Then what?"

Sam admitted to hearing voices, just as they were trying to restart Raven's heart. More specifically, Dean protecting Raven from something and Raven telling him to stop. Next thing, Dean was waking up.

Dean nodded, taking it all in. "Okay...okay that's weird."

"I mean it felt like, like Raven." Sam explained. "Like she was there, just out of eyeshot or something. I don't know if it's my psychic thing or what, it...but do you think it's even possible? I mean, do you think her spirit could be around?"

"Yeah." Dean agreed. "But what do we do? Is she here right now?"

"I can't feel her." Sam replied.

He felt- he could feel someone talking at his side. Sam turned to it, expecting to see her there. That was- _he felt her there again._

"What?" Dean asked. He looked around Sam too. "Is she there?"

"I think so." Sam replied.

"_...mbass..."_

Sam snorted- relieved to hear her.

"What? What'd she say?" Dean asked. He paused. "Is she making fun of me?"

"She called you a dumbass." Sam revealed, still snickering.

Dean huffed.

"Well- we gotta do something. I doubt she can keep that up for long." Sam stated. He went to the door. "Something is wrong on her side- she needs our help."

"Hey- hey, where are you going?" Dean asked.

"I gotta pick something up, I'll be back." Sam promised.

He would.

Of course he would.

Sam couldn't leave them behind. Not when he knew Raven needed the help.

He walked past John's room

"Wait, Sam." Sam paused in his steps. He didn't look towards his father- he just stood waiting. "I promise I won't hunt this demon. Not until we know Raven's okay."

Sam walked on. He had to move fast.

==GMB==

"Raven. Are you there? You gotta still be there."

"_I am."_

"_Millie what are you-"_

"_I told you, Billie. Back off. He needs my help."_

"_I'm sure he's fine. He just-"_

"_Do you have any idea how I see you?"_

"Raven... I- I gotta say-"

"_What do you mean?"_

"_One girl. There's only ever been one girl I- that I thought I could love. Someday. Maybe. When I see her again. And you made yourself look so much like her."_

"_...what are you saying? Made myself look like her? Do you hear how that sounds?"_

"-what we said...back in the car...I'm sorry."

"_I know you are, Dean."_

"And you better come back."

"_After you got your dumbass thrown back in that bad, you're damn right I will...fuck you're wearing Emma Swan's red jacket."_

"_Who?"_

"_Nothing. Just- another girl I liked. Maybe. Sorta. Crushes are weird."_

==GMB==

"_Aren't you concerned? We're ghosts. We've just about died."_

"_Not yet. We've still got good fighting odds."_

"_No we don't. When people die, they stay dead. That's kinda the norm."_

"_Haha, holy shit this universe is still so young."_

"_Universe?"_

"_I can die. I know I can. There's always been a chance that I wouldn't make it beyond that first year. I could've died at any point. Any bullet could've killed me. Any knife could've broken me. Any monster could've eaten me. Death doesn't scare me. It nevers has. Everyday I lived was another day closer to my death. Hell, so could they. So could anyone in this hospital. Death is a natural part of life."_

"_Does that mean you accept that you're dying?"_

"_Dean Winchester asked me to live. You'll find yourself in much better straints if you do as the Winchesters say."_

"_You're gonna fight death...for these two?"_

"_Yes."_

A nurse ran by- rushing to another hospital room.

"_Sounds like you've got work to do, Billie."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Don't be cute. I'm not into necrophilia."_

==GMB==

"Sam, where have you-"

"Okay, before I pull this out, I need you to hear me out." Sam told Dean. He pulled out the bedside table, moving it between himself and Dean.

Sam looked around the room. "Raven. I think maybe you're around right now. And if you are, don't make fun of me for this, but um, well, there's one way we can talk."

He opened the brown paper bag with him.

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me." Dean deadpanned.

"Don't you start." Sam warned him. He started setting up the Ouija board on the table. "Unless you have a better idea."

"Yeah. Several." Dean stated.

Sam ignored him. "Raven? Raven, are you here?" He put his hand on the pointer, waiting.

"God, I feel like I'm at a slumber party." Dean complained.

"Just put your hand on it." Sam instructed.

"No. I'm not a thirteen year old girl."

"Just do it!"

Dean huffed. He lowered his hand onto the pointer. "Alright, Sam. But I still don't think this isn't going to work."

The pointer moved.

_F_

_U_

_D_

_W_

"Okay. It works."

_H_

_A_

_H_

_A_

"I'll be damned. It's her."

Sam laughed. "It's good to hear from you, Raven. It hasn't been the same without you."

"Damn straight." Dean agreed.

_A_

_W_

_S_

_H_

_U_

_C_

_K_

_S_

"She's fast." Sam noted.

_P_

_R_

_A_

_C_

_T_

_I_

_C_

_E_

"Oh. Great. She's had practice with Ouija boards." Dean snarked.

_D_

_I_

_C_

_K_

"Bitch." Dean replied, glaring at the air around him.

Sam gave him a bitchface.

"Right, sorry." Dean looked back down at the board.

_H_

_U_

_N_

_T_

_I_

_N_

_G_

"Raven, what? Hunting? What, are you hunting?" Sam asked.

"Was it that thing that Sam overheard?" Dean asked.

The pointer pointed at yes. It swirled around, pointing at yes again.

"It's in the hospital, what you're hunting? Do, do you know what it is?" Sam asked.

The pointer swirled back to yes.

"Well what is it?" Dean asked.

_R_

_E_

_A_

_P_

_E_

_R_

"A reaper. Raven. Is it after you?" Sam asked.

_YES_

"Then it's not hunting her. It's just taking people, when it's their-" Dean hesitated. "Their time."

Sam swallowed. "If it's here naturally, there's no way to stop it."

"Yeah, you can't kill death." Dean stated.

_H_

_A_

_H_

_A_

_H_

_A_

_H_

_A_

"Man, you're, um." Sam stumbled. The pointer was still moving between those two letters.

"She's screwed, Sam." Dean stated. "You can say it. She's screwed."

"No. No, no, no, um, there's gotta be a way." Sam walked away from the table. Dean let go of the pointer. It was still '_laughing' _at them. "There's gotta be a way. Dad'll know what to do."

Sam left the room, storming off towards John's room.

Leaving Dean alone with a moving Ouija board. The start, to many horror films.

"I don't want this." He pushed away the small table. It rolled off. The pointer only hesitated a moment before moving again.

==GMB==

A Reaper was shaking her head, doing her best to look anywhere but at the Winchesters.

But Raven was still full body laughing, only just barely able to keep moving the pointer.

"_It wasn't _that _funny."_

"_Hehehe, can't kill death, what the fuck Dean...Winchester Logic for the win...I think this is what's going to kill me- I can't breathe-"_

"_You don't have your lungs right now."_

"_Oh. So I can laugh forever!"_

Billie really wished she could affect the real world. Because then she could smash her head against the wall.

Or better yet, Raven's.

==GMB==

Only John Winchester's room was empty.

"Dad." Sam realized. He grabbed his dad's journal before rushing back to Dean's room.

His brother was still in his bed. The pointer was now just spelling out swear words.

"Hey. So Dad wasn't in his room." Sam revealed.

_O_

_F_

_U_

_C_

_K_

"Where is he?" Dean asked, sitting up in bed. He was completely ignoring how the pointer was now spelling '_f u j w'._

"But I got Dad's journal, so who knows? Maybe there's something here." Sam sat on Dean's bed.

Sam started flipping through the journal.

==GMB==

"_Did I ever have you fooled?"_

"_No."_

"_Could I?"_

"_No."_

"_What really makes you fight? It's not because they're telling you. You don't seem the type to cave into the wants of others."_

"_I do when they ask."_

"_Oh?"_

"_For all the stubborn bitch that I am, I'm not good at telling people no. You got your fair share of it."_

"_Hmm."_

"_Reapers, they take forms to coerce the people to die. Some people, I guess expect the whole cloak and scythe thing. Others? They need a more gentle hand. Reighley is an amazing girl. I would've done anything she asked, I know I would've. 2nd Terra was a disaster with romance. And what Reaper do I get? A Reaper that looks nothing like Tessa, but one with dark skin, dark hair, a red leather jacket, and looks like the kind of woman I would let kill me."_

"_I won't kill you."_

"_Cause Reapers can't. And I won't do what you say either, Billie. Sorry- still not into necrophilia."_

"_You still haven't said why you won't die."_

"_Sister, it's not for lack of trying. There have been countless times I should've died. I was pushed down a flight of stairs. I was shot _twice! _And that wasn't even in this universe! I should definitely have died centuries ago."_

"_You're not human, are you?"_

"_No."_

"_What are you? When did you change? You can't be one of that lot."_

"_I don't think I ever was. Human, I mean. And if I told you what I was, you wouldn't believe me. Dying here only sends me back Home. I'm not dead. I'm just no longer Raven Winchester."_

"_Would that be so bad?"_

"_No."_

"_Then give in. Death is nothing to fear. It's natural. Everyone has their time, and this is your's."_

"_I can't."_

"_Why?"_

"_I told you. Because someone asked."_

"_That's not an answer."_

"_It's either you, or him."_

"_Don't. Don't make me do that."_

"_It's not my choice."_

"_Don't make me choose. I can't- do that to them."_

"_You know what you have to do."_

==GMB==

In Dean's room, Sam slammed the book shut.

"There's nothing in here."

"Are you sure? Did you check everything?" Dean asked.

"Every page!" Sam snapped. He dropped the book on Dean's bed, storming off to pace. "Raven!" He called out.

Dean checked the Ouija. It wasn't moving. It hadn't for a few minutes.

"I don't know how to help you." Sam explained to the air. "But I'll keep trying, all right? As long as you keep fighting. I mean, come on you can't, you can't leave me here alone with Dad, we'll kill each other, you know that." Sam stated.

That rung a bell in Dean's head. He couldn't really remember all of it, could barely remember that it rang a bell at all.

"Raven, you've got to hold on. You can't go, not now. We were just starting to be a family." Sam explained, sounding more emotional and hurt with each word. "Can you hear me?"

Both were looking at the Ouija.

Nothing moved.

"I'm going to her room." Sam stated. He walked off to the next room.

==GMB==

"_They need me! That's why- they asked me to stay because they need me!"_

"_The fights over, Millie."_

"_No it's not. The fight is always happening. Always. You think a simple thing like being dead can stop a Winchester? No. If I've learned anything about this family, it's that they fight everything with all they've got! Dying is just- just- just a pit stop for them. I won't die here, I know I won't. There won't be peace on the other side- whatever that side is. I won't be a part of their manipulations! I know manipulation, Billie, and your almost convincing me if you keep glaring at me like that."_

"_Then I'm sorry."_

"_No! Billie you get back here!"_

==GMB==

But in the end, it was neither of them.

Because true to form- a Winchester had pulled a Stupid.

==GMB==

"_Billie?!"_

"_Today's your lucky day, kid."_

==GMB==

Raven screamed as she shot up from the bed. She was gasping and choking on the tubes in her mouth.

"Raven?" Sam asked. His sister didn't answer, seizing on the bed. "Help! I need help!" He called out.

==GMB==

Raven stared ahead.

Sam and Dean were beside her bed. Dean was in a wheelchair, while Sam stood just at his side. The doctor was going over Raven's medical file.

"I can't explain it. The infection vanished. The internal contusions are healed. Your vitals are good." The doctor reported. "The same for you, Mr Winchester, and your injuries. You guys have some kind of angel watching over you."

_Somewhere up in Heaven, Cas is getting a chill up his spine._

"Thanks, doc." Dean replied.

"Yes, thank you, sir." Raven replied, her voice much lower.

The doctor nodded. He left the room. Raven turned to the boys.

"I used a Ouija board?" She questioned. "And...just laughed on it?"

"Near the end, yeah." Dean answered.

"Well, what did you idiots say that made me laugh?" Raven questioned.

"I don't know what makes you laugh." Dean denied.

Sam snickered. "I think it was when Dean said-"

"Nothing. I said nothing."

"-you can't kill death."

Raven snorted. "Dean. My man. No." She was already laughing again. "O-Okay, okay. I get it. That's a good reason to laugh for a long time." She chuckled, holding her stomach. "Everything is sore but this was too funny."

Dean mockingly sneered.

"Okay I can be serious again." She took a breath. "You said I had a Reaper after me?"

"Yeah." Dean replied.

Raven hummed. She let her head fall back against the bed, a thoughtful look on her face.

"How'd you ditch it?" Dean asked.

"No idea." Raven lied, she tapped her fingers on her blanket. Something behind them caught her eye. "Holy- Sam is that my Bag?"

"Yeah. I found it in the car. I don't actually know if everything is still there. You can look." He went over to it, picking it up. He brought it back to Raven. "Sorry- about the-"

"Nah it's fine." Raven tapped a blood splattered button. "This happens a lot."

"So you don't know how you shook it off?" Dean asked.

"No." Raven answered. "I- nothing."

"You really don't remember anything?" Sam asked.

"No. Except this pit in my stomach. Boys, something's not right." Raven told them.

Someone knocked on her door. The boys and Raven turned to it. John was standing in the door, smiling as though nothing was wrong. "How you feeling, honey?" John asked.

Raven watched him carefully. "I'm alive." She answered plainly. She shifted in the bed, her fingers pressing on the buttons on the Bag. "And they said Dean was all healed up.

"That's what matters." John conceded.

"Where were you last night?" Sam insisted.

Dean rolled his eyes at his brother's sense of timing. Raven was scratching the dried blood off the buttons.

"I had some things to take care of." John explained.

"Well, that's specific." Sam snarked.

"Come on, Sam." Dean requested.

"Did you go after the demon?" Sam pressed.

"No." John answered.

"You know, why don't I believe you right now?" Sam questioned.

"Can we not fight?" John requested, pleading with his son. "You know, half the time we're fighting, I don't know what we're fighting about. We're just butting heads. Sammy, I, I've made some mistakes. But I've always done the best I could. I just don't want to fight anymore, okay?"

"...Dad, are you all right?" Sam asked, now showing concern.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm just a little tired." John lied- quite obviously. "Hey, son, would you, uh, would you mind getting me a cup of caffeine?"

"Yeah. Yeah, sure." Sam walked out into the hallway. He still looked concerned.

"And, Raven?"

Raven tilted her head.

"I'm sorry. About everything." John apologized.

Raven turned her head from him. "Thank you."

"Dean. Could you and I speak in the hall for a minute?"

"Yeah Dad, sure." Dean wheeled himself out of Raven's room.

She watched him go, heart heavy.

==GMB==

John Winchester had only one request for his eldest son.

Along with instructions just in case it went wrong.

Dean had not been so horrified in a long time.

==GMB==

John died two minutes later, Sam and Dean watching in dismay.

"_I'll call it. Time of death: 10:41 am."_

Raven, who could hear them down the hall fought back tears.

==GMB==

Lilac was still holding Morgan's hand.

Then her cellphone rang. Lilac picked it up from her pocket. "Hello?"

"_Hey princess."_

"Mom!"

**==GMB==**

**AN: As I wrote this, I realized I had no control. The Winchesters kept making their own choices outside of my command. **


	2. Feeling Like A Clown Again

Let it never be said that I held any love for John Winchester.

While the boys gave John the Hunter's Funeral, I stood a ways behind them. A respectful distance, I told myself.

But in truth it was because I didn't want the smoke of him in my lungs.

Yeah I hated John Winchester- with passion that went beyond this body.

Cause even after all the pain he put Dean through, I'm standing here watching Dean _physically hold back_ his own anger towards John. Not even a few hours ago, he was ordering that if he couldn't save his brother- the one person that Dean would always go above and beyond for since John put Sam in his arms to save him from the fire- then Dean should kill him.

_Asshole._

_What father orders that?_

_The asshole fathers, that's who._

Mary must be turning over in the- wherever she ended up.

_She never wanted this life for her sons._

_Fuck you, John, for making it worse._

==GMB==

_One Week Later_

All of us mourned John in our own ways.

Sam was taking advantage of all the books of Bobby's house. He used whatever time not spent silent with grief working on reading any book he could.

Dean threw himself into fixing up the Impala. It was rare to ever see him away from the black beauty.

Myself? I worked on schematics for other projects. Focusing on other projects was easier than anything. Even ignoring the boys to the point of not leaving my guest room.

How do you mourn a man you hated that died for you?

==GMB==

Sam found us a case. Well not so much a case as a connection _to _a case.

John's phone had a voicemail on it. Ellen Harvelle, calling with an offer to help.

We searched for her in John's journal. It was easy work to find the Roadhouse.

Just like walking into Bobby's house, I treated the place with the reverence it deserved.

A reverence I'd never give John Winchester.

There's not doubt in my mind he told Dean to murder us.

How could I mourn someone that wanted me dead, even when he was saving my life?

==GMB==

We left the Roadhouse too soon.

Sam snagged the case.

We were on the way.

Then Dean found out the villain we were supposed to be fighting.

"You've gotta be kidding me. A killer clown?" Dean questioned.

I was fighting giggles.

"Yeah. He left the daughter unharmed and killed the parents. Ripped them to pieces, actually." Sam explained to us.

"The paper said they visited a carnival? Does it say which?" I asked.

"Right, right." He looked over the paper. "The, uh, Cooper Carnivals."

"So how do you know we're not dealing with some psycho carnie in a clown suit?" Dean questioned.

"Well, the cops have no viable leads, and all the employees were tearing down shop. Alibis all around. Plus this girl said she saw a clown vanish into thin air. Cops are saying trauma, of course." Sam explained.

"Well, I know what you're thinking, Sam. Why did it have to be clowns?" Dean stated.

I snickered.

Sam shook his head. "Oh, give me a break."

Dean (laughs) "You didn't think I'd remember, did you?" Dean mocked. He leaned back towards me. "Get this, Raven, this guy still busts out crying whenever you see Ronald McDonald on the television."

"I noticed." I chuckled. "Figured it out months ago, boy was it funny."

"Well, at least I'm not afraid of flying or spiders." Sam reminded us that he too had something against us.

"Creepy crawly death eaters!" I defended, cowering.

"Planes crash!" Dean argued.

"And apparently clowns kill!" Sam argued back.

_He had a point._

_Stephen King called it._

_Damn it, the man called it._

_Pennywise was just like a multidimensional spider._

_Fuck we're both fucked._

"We got repeats?" I asked, trying to ignore the fear in my head. "Maybe...every couple of decade, kinda repeats?"

"Uh, according to the file, 1981, the Bunker Brothers Circus, same M.O. It happened three times, three different locales." Sam reported.

"Right. Yeah. Course it has." I hummed.

"It's weird, though, I'm mean if it is a spirit it's usually bound to a specific locale, you know, a house, or a town." Dean noted.

"So how's this one moving from city to city, carnival to carnival?" Sam mused.

"Cursed object, maybe. Spirit attaches itself to something and the, uh, carnival carries it around with them." Dean reasoned.

"Great. Paranormal scavenger hunt." Sam remarked.

"I know! Those are the best." Sam gave me a flat look. "What?" I replied, completely missing the point.

"Well, this case was his idea." Dean snarked. "By the way, why is that? You were awfully quick to jump on this job."

"So?"

"It's just... not like you, that's all. I thought you were hell-bent for leather on the demon hunt." Dean pointed out.

"Okay. Now that he's saying it outloud, that's a good point." I agreed. "It's not like you to give up the ghost for a...ghost. That was an unfortuante mixing of metaphors."

"I don't know, I just think, this job, it's what Dad would have wanted us to do." Sam countered.

Instead of my usual, and normal disgusted noise at the mention of John, I silently sat back against the backseat.

"What Dad would have wanted?" Dean repeated, not believing it for a second.

"Yeah. So?" Sam countered, sticking to his guns.

"You got anything for this?" Dean asked me. I said nothing, looking down at my Bag. The buttons had been cleaned of blood, no sign they'd been part of an attack. "Guess nothin'."

We kept on driving.

I ignored the pit growing in my chest.

_How do you mourn when you don't know how?_

==GMB==

We got jobs at the carnival to start our scavenger hunt. Despite some odd directions-

"Excuse me, we're looking for a Mr. Cooper, have you seen him around?" Dean asked a man.

The blind man pulled off his sunglasses. "What is that, some kind of joke?" Asked our monster, disguised as a normal blind human.

"Oh. God, I'm, I'm sorry." Dean spluttered.

"You think I wouldn't give my eyeteeth to see Mr. Cooper? Or a sunset, or anything at all?" The blind man replied.

Dean glanced back to me. "You won't help." He turned to Sam. "Wanna give me a little help here?"

"Not really." Sam replied.

I snuck him a fist bump. Sam winked. Both of us wore shit eating grins.

A short man walked up to our sides. "Hey man, is there a problem?" He asked the blind man, giving Dean the stink eye.

"Yeah, this guy hates blind people." The blind man told the short one.

"No, I don't, I-" Dean spluttered.

"Hey buddy, what's your problem?" The short man asked, offended with his buddy.

"Nothing, it's just a little misunderstanding." Dean replied.

"Little?! You son of a bitch!"

"No, no, no, no! I'm just, could somebody tell me where Mr. Cooper is?" I bit my lip to keep from cackling. Sam laughed at my side. "Please?"

We got to his office. And we got jobs. It took some convincing, especially on my part. Sam helped.

"You kids picked a hell of a time to join up. Take a seat." Mr Cooper invited us to sit.

Dean took the normal chair. Sam seemed to fight the urge to sit in the only other chair: a clown chair. I stood to the side, taking a plain boring stool. Sam resigned himself to his fate.

"We've got all kinds of local trouble."

"What do you mean?" Dean asked, innocently.

"Oh, a couple of folks got themselves murdered." Mr Cooper replied. "Cops always seem to start here first. So, you three ever worked the circuit before?"

"Yes sir, last year through Texas and Arkansas." Sam answered. Dean just agreed blindly.

"I worked at one in Illinois, another in Minnesota." I reported.

"Doing what? Ride jockies? Butcher? ANS men?" Mr Cooper asked.

"Trapeze." I answered. Sam and Dean glanced from the corner of their eyes, surprised. "Also tight-rope walk. Had a whole routine up there but even then I was backup, mostly useful with the repairs for games."

"Yeah, it's, uh, little bit of everything, I guess." Sam lied with an awkward laugh.

"Her I believe." Mr Cooper noted. I smirked in pride. "You two have never worked a show in your lives before, have you?"

"Nope." Dean admitted, knowing they'd been made. "But we really need the work. Oh, and uh, Sam here's got a thing for the bearded lady."

He pointed to a picture. "You see that picture? That's my daddy." Mr Cooper explained.

"You look just like him." Sam complimented.

"He was in the business. Ran a freakshow. Till they outlawed them, most places. Apparently displaying the deformed isn't dignified. So most of the performers went from honest work to rotting in hospitals and asylums. That's progress. I guess." Mr Cooper explained. "You see, this place, it's a refuge for outcasts. Always has been. For folks that don't fit in nowhere else. But you two? You should go to school. Find a couple of girls. Have two point five kids. Live regular."

_...did he just call me an outcast?_

_I mean I am, but Chuck what the hell?_

_If you're gonna insult me, wait._

"Sir? We don't want to go to school. And we don't want regular. We want this." Sam stressed.

==GMB==

I don't want normal.

I know I never did.

Normal was never in the cards for me, even before I got my powers.

Always a little too interested in what hid in the shadows.

Too curious about the horror genre.

Too much an outcast to belong anywhere else.

Everyone always told me to join the other freaks at the circus.

Look who keeps crawling back.

==GMB==

"Dad would have wanted me to stick with the job."

"Since when do you give a damn what Dad wanted? You spent half your life doing exactly what he didn't want, Sam."

"Since he died, okay? Do you have a problem with that?"

"Naw, I don't have a problem at all. Raven. You got a problem?"

"I'm gonna start searching." Avoiding the argument, I ran off to find just anywhere to hide. Would it be too suspicious if I killed that Rakshasa now?

==GMB==

_Why can't I even mourn the man he had once been?_

==GMB==

The boys were fighting again.

I stayed quiet.

Dean wanted to ignore his feelings.

Sam wanted to respect his father, in death.

I wanted this to all be over with.

==GMB==

Some research had led us to a race of ancient Hindu creatures called Rakshasa. They appear in human form to feed on human flesh. They can make themselves invisible. They could only be killed by brass. The kicker? They cannot enter a home without first being invited.

Kids always loved clowns.

Hadn't they read Stephen King as a bedtime story to their demented nightmare twin who could only fall asleep if people around her were jumping at shadows?

Like normal?

_Oh fuck you Chuck._

_Rakshasas sleep on a bed of dead bugs._

_Why does the Author hate me?_

Why am I so pissed?

_Because Sam and Dean called other places to search!_

_They left_ me _to handle the blind man!_

==GMB==

I.

Hate.

Bugs.

Fuck you, Chuck.

==GMB==

The Rakshasa had vanished- changing to his invisible form.

This left me struggling against a locked door. Against a threat I couldn't see.

"No Raven, you can handle this alone. Why do you keep insisting one of us go with you? You scared of some bugs? They remember it just as well as I do!" I grumbled to myself.

A knife flew past my head. I turned round to glare at the empty room.

"You are so lucky you didn't take out my hair." I warned him.

The Rakshasa was silent. He was totally laughing at my pain.

Another knife was thrown. This time catching a few strands of my hair.

_This bitch was dead._

"Best part of being a repair girl for a circus?" Reaching into my Bag, I pulled out a long brass pipe. "Nobody questions why you take apart the funhouse piano."

Silence.

"Not so cocky now, are ya?" I taunted. Twirling the brass pipe in my hand, I waited. Listening to the sounds in the dirt. Listened to the slightest shift in the air and win-

_There!_

Striking out, I stuck the pointed end of the pipe into him.

Invisible, the Rakshasa could only be seen by the blood pouring from his new stomach wound. He let out a piercing screech.

The door behind me was thrown open. I ignored it, focused on stopping this thing from his continued existence. Preying on the innocence of children for a food source? That's a no-no in my book.

It shrieked again. His eyes flashed in a horrific reflected yellow.

"What-?" Dean began.

I smacked the hunter's chest. "Everything will be fine, Raven. Go check on the blind guy, Raven! He won't be a problem, Raven!" Ranting more, I smacked either boy at the end of each sentence.

"Hey-"

"Geez that hurts-"

"Quit it!"

"Would you stop-?!"

"He's not gonna be a problem, Raven! Just get the brass knife, Raven!"

"That's still healing!"

"Did you get brass _knuckles?!"_

"_He had bed bugs you nitwits!"_

==GMB==

I couldn't mourn John Winchester.

But I could thank him for giving me these two.

Even if I wanted to kill them half the time...they were starting to feel like family.

==GMB==

End of the day?

Ash- secret computer genius that I now totally wanted a hack-battle with- promised to alert us for any signs of demonic activity on Azazel's level.

Ellen offered us a place of comfort and peace.

Sam tried to air his feelings. He admitted to missing his father, but not knowing how. He talked about his final words with John. He talked about not being okay.

He and I talked after. I admitted to not mourning John, not the way they did. I mourned him as a man that could've been. Mourned all the things I would never get to ask about. I wasn't mourning a father, that would've been insulting. I mourned the man. Sam accepted that. Apparently, expected it.

Great to know, Sam.

Thanks for that.

I went to my little guest room, hiding again to get used to whatever emotional turmoil I felt inside.

And I used my one phone call.

Lilac was probably eager to hear my voice.

Outside, Dean beat up the car he'd just repaired. He took out the anger and burden and conflict he felt out on the one thing that could take it without judgement.

_For now._

**==GMB==**

**AN: The title for the chapter is the name of the song, believe it or not, that I thought fitting. Also funny- haha. Clowns.**

**Been working on a lot of future lore for Raven Quinzel. It's gonna pay off later if I do it right. But that requires search. Like, a fuck ton of research. **

**Okay, I'm trying to be more active on my tumblr blog (authora97writingupdates) and the instagram (authora97) account. I ask questions and post pictures on both. **

**Thanks to BlakCaat, avert 1523, elljayde, and Wulf47, for favoriting**

**Thanks to BlakCaat and Scribleyellowfor following**


	3. Bloodlust

The car made a hard turn.

I was thrown off the seat, falling into the middle space.

Great.

Literally- great.

Just so great.

I groaned, climbing back up to my seat. Dean was laughing. Just like the bastard he was. Is it any wonder we're related in this reality?

"You okay?" Sam asked.

"_Swell_." I grumbled, letting myself fall back on the cushion. "Ugh."

"Nightmares again?" Sam asked. I nodded, running my hands over my face.

For the past week, I'd been having back to back nightmares. Some part of me reckoned it was because of the vamps we were going to see, or Gordon himself. Maybe it was just Chuck being a horrible god again...

They weren't all about vamps though, which is why my theories were just theories. Some were vague recollections of being chased. Something had been trying intently to kill me. It was horrible- a bone chilling fear that followed me into the daylight.

Something was wrong. My subconscious kept trying to tell me it. I was never good at dream interpretation so I had no idea what it was saying.

This all didn't stop me from watching Gordon kill every last vampire in the past week. Or that those were the best parts of my dreams.

It didn't matter that they were innocent vampires. Another dead vampire was good for me.

_But they looked so afraid..._

_How can I hate things that look so afraid?_

"Are they like before?" Sam asked.

"We won't know until the case starts, will we?" I snapped.

Sam held up his hands. "Sorry."

I couldn't even muster up saying '_sorry'_ back.

I was just too tired.

In response to that, Dean turned up the radio. At least the song was good. Dean's good mood on the other hand was a bitch.

"Whoo! Listen to her purr!" Dean cheered. "Have you ever heard anything so sweet?"

"You know, if you two want to get a room, just let us know, Dean." Sam snarked.

"Oh, don't listen to him, Baby. He doesn't understand us." Dean assured the car.

"Your good mood will be the reason no one finds your body." I warned.

Dean just laughed. "Why shouldn't I be in a good mood?"

"I can think of many reasons. Two involve me killing you." I told him.

"Got my car, got a case, things are looking up." Dean countered.

"Wow. You hear a couple of severed heads and a pile of dead cows and you're Mister Sunshine." Sam snarked.

"How far to Red Lodge?" Dean asked.

"Uh, about another three hundred miles." Sam answered.

"Good." Dean sped up.

I lied down on the seat. "Don't talk to me."

"Yeah, get some sleep. You're easier to hunt with when you sleep." Dean snarked.

"I can kill you even when I'm tired." I reminded him. Dean laughed at me. Sam rolled his eyes at us both.

So I fell back asleep. It was right into another nightmare about something chasing me.

==GMB==

The boys had gone into the office to speak with the sheriff. I was outside, talking to the secretary. The one that was played by Jensen Ackles' sister. It was actually exciting to talk with her, especially because she had a lot to say that the boss was scared to admit.

Before long, the boys came back out looking less than pleased. The secretary had left to talk with the boss for a meeting.

"Tell me you forgot what our paper was called." I prompted.

Dean shuffled nervously on his feet. I turned to give Sam a look. Sam glanced between myself and Dean. "He forgot."

"You forgot first." Dean accused.

"No I didn't. You-"

I rolled my eyes as they went back and forth. "Did you get anything demonic?"

The boys paused their argument at the question. "The sheriff denies the connection, but they always do until a demon is at their throat." Dean answered.

Sam nodded. "He says it's just random cow deaths."

"Secretary had something else to say." I noted. "Said that the way those cows were cut up. Oof. It's actually convincing her to go vegan."

"Did she say what the cuts look like?" Sam asked.

"No. Just that they weren't anything natural." '_Something...supernatural. *fire noises* *whoosh* *FOOMP*'_

Dean grinned. "And just like that, we're back." With a kick in his step, Dean walked out of the station.

I turned to Sam, with a look begging that he saw what I saw. He nodded, watching Dean in confusion.

==GMB==

We'd shifted to the hospital for investigation. It was the next choice before looking at dead cows. Not even Dean, for all his love of hamburgers, wanted to see that. I'd known some cows in Equestria. They were pleasant conversationalists. I was in no hurry to see their lessed learned reality alters.

So to the morgue.

The only thing blocking our entry was an intern.

He had no chance.

Together, we walked up to his desk.

Dean glanced to his name tag. Only showing the initial for his first name, so Dean got to have fun. "John."

'_Freud, to the front desk please?'_

"Jeff." The intern corrected.

"Jeff." Dean corrected, laughing. "I know that. Dr. Dworkin needs to see you in his office right away."

"But Dr. Dworkin's on vacation." Jeff answered, confused.

"Well, he's back. And he's pissed, and he's screaming for you, man, so if I were you I would... okay." Dean didn't even finish the lie before the intern ran away. Wow, that guy must be scary. "Hey, those satanists in Florida, they marked their victims, didn't they?"

This was our life.

Scaring interns and switching to topics about satanists.

Total normal things for a Winchester to talk about.

Especially as we walked into a morgue to look at a vampire head.

"Yeah, reversed pentacle on the forehead." Sam answered.

"Yeah. So much f-d up crap happens in Florida." Dean snarked.

"Hey. Disney is in Florida." I argued.

"Again, so much f-d up crap-" Dean stated. He stopped when I punched his arm.

Dean laughed while handing me a pair of gloves. Slipping them on, I reminded myself to stay calm. Sam was opening the hatch of the latest dead vamp. I had to tell myself that losing a head was a permenant death for these guys. She wasn't going to pop out.

Still, my heart skipped when the door opened.

Nothing happened.

But still.

Nice to know I still have one.

"All right, open it." Dean instructed.

"You open it." Sam countered.

"Dweebs." I grabbed the box, lifting it up.

Putting it down on the slab nearby, I braced myself for what I'd see. Throwing it open I exposed the smell to air.

_It was worse_

_So much worse than I thought_

_Chuck, why did you have to be one of them?_

Dean leaned over to look in the box. "Well, no pentagram." I gave him my best flat stare. He wasn't looking.

Sam came to the other empty side. "Wow. Poor girl."

_She wasn't_

_She really wasn't_

"Maybe we should, uh, you know, look in her mouth, see if those wackos stuffed anything down her throat. You know, kinda like Moth in Silence of the Lambs." Dean joked. "_It puts the lotion in the basket."_

"It's not a moth." I leaned down, fighting every impulse I had to run away.

It got hard to breathe.

But I reached.

My hands were shaking.

But I reached.

_I had watched her die_

"Dean, get me a bucket?"

"She find something?"

"No, I'm going to puke."

Her lip curled up.

_I watched Gordon chop off her head_

I pushed on her gums.

_And it wasn't a nightmare anymore._

The fang popped out.

"It's a tooth." Sam gawked.

I pulled my hand out of her mouth, clutching it at the wrist. Once in safe distance I glutched it to my chest.

_My hand was just in a vampire's mouth._

_Chuck I feel sick._

"Sam, that's a fang. Retractable set of vampire fangs, you've got to be kidding me."

"Well, this changes things."

"Ya think?"

"Dean?" I asked, my voice uncharactisticsally shaking.

The boys noticed. Dean stood up to attention, big brother mode activated again. "Raven?"

"I would like a bucket now." My eyes were watering fast. Even though I hadn't eaten anything today, my stomach was pushing up bile.

Dean nodded. He didn't even look at Sam before throwing his arms around my shoulders. He started dragging me out from the morgue, away from that _thing_.

It was getting closer.

_My hand was in her mouth._

_If she was alive-_

_Fuck fangs hurt when they bite-_

_Fuck my stomach is empty-_

_No it's not._

Dean had brought me outside.

I puked in a bush.

==GMB==

They drove me to a bar. The boys left me in the Impala. They promised to come back with information, any kind of information. Whatever information I needed to get out of this state. Needless to say, not my best day.

After puking in a bush, there had been a lot of quiet shaking in the backseat. Dean had listened to me when I asked to stop by a store for crackers and gatorade. Mom's classic BRAT (bananas, rice, applesauce, toast) diet for post-puking was coming out in full force.

It was all I ate the first time around.

It's hard to want food when you know you spent the last 50 years gorging on humanity.

Yeah the BRAT diet was on parr with starving myself, but that was preferrable. Any thought of food for months made feel even worse.

Darcy was the one to get me eating again. Something stupid about not wanting all her stolen food to herself. She'd stolen it from the other orphans, the least I could do was eat it. If I didn't, then she'd have to eat it all and she couldn't without leaving leftovers and that meant being caught. She'd mastered a Morgan-brand guilt trip. I wasn't about to let her get caught.

Being tricked into eating, not fun.

She was always good at making me do not-fun things. Like being the responsible person in our murder-hobo party.

_Gorden walked out of the bar._

No.

No.

Not happening.

I climbed out of the car. Keeping out of his sight, I reached into my Bag for a gun.

Did I need one, though? He was doing my job. A damn good job of it. Wiping out vampires without prejuidice.

_She was running for her life._

_Just like all the others._

_The one from later tonight will just be at work._

_These people...they were people. The community is hurting with these murders. They might have friends outside the nest._

Vampires don't have friends.

_These ones do._

One good apple does not a good bushel make.

_Nor do two wrongs make one right._

I hate my own conscience.

When the boys walked out, I made sure to watch as Gordon followed them. Then I stalked him.

I was one for fifty years.

You learn how to hide from hunters.

The boys led Gordon down an empty alley.

Once in the alley, I watched as Gordon turned the final corner. Following after him I held up Darcy's knife to his throat.

The boys appeared behind me. They took sides around Gordon, leaving him no exit without going through me.

"Smile." Dean ordered.

"What?" Gordon asked. He tried to shake me off.

I had the power of Chuck and rage on my side. He wasn't getting out.

"Show us those pearly whites." Dean ordered. "My buddy there- she ain't afraid to cut you down."

_You have no idea._

"Oh, for the love of - you want to stick that thing someplace else? I'm not a vampire." Gordon snapped.

I snorted.

The boys were confused.

"Yeah, that's right. I heard you guys in there." Gordon stated. "Didn't know about _Buffy_ here."

"We all know I'm Giles." I countered.

"What do you know about vampires?" Sam asked him.

"How to kill them. Now seriously, chick. That knife's making me itch." Gordon told me.

"Like me to scratch it?" I offered.

Gordon tried pulling away from me.

That's just not how it goes.

Not when you make me question my moral compass.

I tilted the knife just so, letting it scratch his neck. He pulled back from it. That had the side effect of me touching Gordon so I guess nobody can ever be happy.

"Whoa. Easy there, chachi." Gordon told me. He reached his hands up to his face. Avoiding the knife, he pulled down his own gums.

The boys watched for me.

"See? Fangless. Happy?" Gordon asked.

Dean nodded at me. I didn't move. "He doesn't got them."

_I know he doesn't_

With a force I didn't know I had, I pulled myself away from Gordon.

"Now. Who the hell are you?" Gordon asked.

_Hahaha_

_So close_

==GMB==

Gordon showed us his own hunter stash of weapons.

_He cut off her head with that scythe_

_He killed a vamp with that machete the other night._

I could still see some vamp blood in the holy. He hadn't cleaned it properly.

All while I was reminiscing on my past week without sleep, Gordon was singing our praises. "Sam and Dean Winchester, and Raven Quinzel. I can't believe it. You know I met your old man once? Hell of a guy. Great hunter. I heard he passed. I'm sorry. It's big shoes. But from what I hear you guys fill 'em. Great trackers, good in a tight spot-"

"You seem to know a lot about our family." Dean stated to him.

Gordon shrugged it off. "Word travels fast. You know how hunters talk."

"No, we don't, actually." Dean replied.

"I guess there's a lot your dad never told you, huh?" Gordon noted. There it was. He'd slipped into their trust with a few words about being a hunter, knowing a secret hunter community that the boys had been cut off from. I willfully avoided it. "And it's an honor to meet Raven Quinzel. You guys have a tight ship around here."

I gave a half smile, quickly letting it drop into a scowl.

"So, um, so those two vampires, they were yours, huh?" Sam stated.

"Yep. Been here two weeks." Gordon answered.

"Did you check out that Barker farm?" Dean asked.

"It's a bust. Just a bunch of hippie freaks. Though they could kill you with that patchouli smell alone." Gordon dismissed.

"Where's the nest, then?" Dean asked.

Gordon shook his head. Smiling fondly, he pushed his weapons back into his car. That was enough to snap me out of my funk. "I've got this one covered. Look, don't get me wrong. It's a real pleasure meetin' you fellas. But I've been on this thing for over a year." Gordon explained. "I killed a fang back in Austin, tracked the nest all the way up here. I'll finish it."

"Then you know about the cattle?" I asked.

Gordon looked confused. "I'm sorry?"

"The mutilated cattle. They said those things were torn open. Not like anything human they'd ever seen." I explained. "What about those?"

Gordon shrugged. "I wasn't joking about that patchouli smell."

_I officially cannot hate you more than I already do._

"We could help." Dean offered.

"Thanks, but uh, I'm kind of a go-it-alone type of guy." Gordon replied.

"Come on, man, I've been itching for a hunt." Dean requested.

"Sorry. But hey, I hear there's a Chupacabra two states over. You go ahead and knock yourselves out." Gordon dismissed. He walked to the driver seat of his car. I fought to glare at him. "It was real good meeting you, though. I'll buy you a drink on the flip side." He climbed in the car, driving off.

Now I could glare without guilt.

"Why'd you bring up the cattle?" Dean asked.

_Because I watched two vampires run for their life from that man._

_And I wanted him to look me in the eyes when he lied to me._

_He had to have known these vampires weren't killing a damn thing._

_But he slaughtered them anyway._

_Though I hate them with an almost concerning level of prejudice, I still believe in my code._

_Don't kill people that weren't doing any harm._

_Author knows I spent enough time drilling that into Darcy's head._

"Raven?" Dean prompted.

I shrugged. "Wanted to hear his answer. We're following him, right? Let's go. We'll lose the tail." I walked towards the car. The sooner we wrapped up this case the better.

==GMB==

We followed Gordon to a mill.

I wanted to be in on this fight.

_But it went against everything I stood for._

He was a vamp.

_But he hadn't killed anyone._

That we know of.

_Like that matters to Gordon. He'll kill him anyway._

Shut up, conscience, nobody needs you.

The boys and I walked into the mill. Already we could hear Gordon getting his ass kicked. An electric saw had been flipped on. When we reached the fight, the vampire was getting ready to chop off Gordon's head with it.

How easier my life would be I let him swing it down.

Sam was faster than my hesitatant ass. He grabbed Gordon's ankles, pulling. I went to his side to help him. Dean grabbed a harpoon, slamming it against the vampire's head. Once Gordon was out from the electric saw, there was empty space for the vampire to fall. Dean took advantage of that.

The head fell to the ground below.

"So uh, I guess I gotta buy you that drink." Gordon joked.

_Drink bleach._

==GMB==

We were at a bar again. This time I was inside. Though I was oddly calm after watching a head get cut off.

The men had all gotten drinks. I settled for water. No hurry for a repeat of this morning. Nor would I want drinks in me for what the rest of the night would have. Just thinking about it was making me regret having even water.

The waitress came by with more drinks. Dean reached for his wallet but Gordon stopped him. "No, no, I got it."

"Come on."

"I insist." Gordon handed her the cash. "Thank you, sweetie." He raised his new shot glass. "Another one bites the dust."

"That's right." Dean and Gordon had their shots.

Sam and I watched, arms folded. Good to know that he also suspected things.

Gordon laughed as he put the glass down. "Dean. You gave that big-ass fang one hell of a haircut, my friend."

"Thank you."

"That was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful."

"Yep." I was disgusted. It was done. Over. If I opened my mouth, I'd puke everywhere. "You all right, Sammy?"

"I'm fine." Sam replied curtly.

"Raven, I'm not even gonna ask." Dean stated. I gave him a stiff nod.

"Well, lighten up a little, _Sammy_." Gordon teased.

"He's the only one who gets to call me that." Sam warned him.

"Well then how about you Ra-"

"Don't talk to me." I ordered him. Did it without puking, so I'm a winner.

"Okay. No offense meant. Just celebrating a little. Job well done." Gordon explained.

"Right. Well, decapitations aren't my idea of a good time, I guess." Sam explained.

"Oh, come one, man, it's not like it was human. You've gotta have a little more fun with your job." Gordon dismissed. He drank some more before looking towards me. "Raven, I thought you of all people would've understood. Heard you were raised by those freaks, you and your sister. You know they gotta go down."

"I said, don't talk to me." I warned him, giving more force behind my glare.

_Don't bring up my sister._

_Not you._

_Talk about your pointless crusade all you like_

_But don't bring up my sister unless you want to end up like her._

"See? That's what I've been trying to tell them. You could learn a thing or two from this guy." Dean told us, smiling widely as he took another swig of his drink.

_I would rather eat Cinderella's glass slipper_

"Yeah, I bet I could." Sam replied with the same level of snark I felt in my spirit. "Look, we're not gonna bring you guys down. We're just gonna go back to the motel."

"You sure?" Dean asked.

"Yeah." Sam stood up.

Grateful for the opportunity, I got up from the seat.

"Sammy? Remind me to beat that buzzkill out of you later, alright?" Dean tossed us the keys.

I caught them. "You can try." I countered. "And I'll break every bone in your body."

Dean laughed, like it was a funny challenge.

I wasn't so sure.

==GMB==

If I drove Baby a little fast to get to the motel, I accept no critcism.

Dropping the keys on the table, I walked fast from Sam. The door to the room shut. Sam just watched me silently.

I flopped on the bed, looking up at the ceiling.

_I can't believe I'm mourning a vampire._

_Fuck you, Gordon_

_Fuck you twice over_

"Are you alright?" Sam asked, cautious for his own safety. Wise.

I sighed.

"That bad, huh?" Sam asked. When I didn't reply, he walked closer. His tone full of concern and worry, that I was almost fine and definitely not about to cry. "You've just been weird about this whole thing, ever since you first saw the vamp head."

"She'd been running."

"What?"

"In my dreams, they were running. For their life."

Sam sat down on the bed beside. He leaned in. "Who was? Were their victims?"

_Yes. Yes Sam you nailed it right on the head._

"Not like you think." I admitted, keeping my voice low. "They were running from him, Sam. Running from Gordon. Running for their lives. There was never anything more than them and him."

"They were vamps. You of all people-"

"_Do not bring that up to me."_ I warned him, cutting him off in the deadly 'mother's voice' that I learned so well for Darcy. A voice that would not put up with her jokes and jabs for one more second, warning that if she pushed me I would push back. Right out a window. "Do not tell me that I need to hate them. I know that I do. There will not be a day in my life that I don't. But I know what I saw, Sam. You know what those visions are like. You know what you see, what you think, when you're watching people die."

Sam made a face as he recalled his psychic dreams from the past year. He lied back on the bed, looking up with me.

_When you watch someone die you mourn_

_You sympathize_

_You wish you could have stopped it_

_All you can do is avenge them_

_And that's not fair._

_Because what does it mean when you're watching something you hate?_

_The mourning doesn't stop._

_The want to have been there doesn't stop._

_Wanting to avenge them doesn't stop._

_The victory just feels like ash in your mouth._

"He was killing them, Sam. And I can't see why." I explained. "The things I hunt, I hunt because they hurt other people. I haven't heard of one case of vampire attack here. Or anything that _could be_ a vampire attack. He's slaughtering them. And we helped."

"I get that this doesn't feel right." Sam admitted. "But what can we do? He's going after vampires, just like we would if this hadn't been his case."

"Whatever. I know what I know, and I know what he's doing doesn't feel right." I argued, snapping his head off.

Sam took the hint.

He pulled out his phone.

_He brought up Darcy_

_Nobody who did what he did could bring up Darcy._

_I can't wait to kill him._

"Hey, Ellen, uh, Sam Winchester." He spoke into the phone. "Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine. Got a question...You ever run across a guy named Gordon Walker?...And?...Well, we ran into him on a job and we're kinda working with him, I guess...I- I thought you said he was a good hunter...Ellen-...Right, okay."

He closed the phone.

"She told us to run, didn't she?"

Sam tucked the phone away. "Yeah...yeah she did."

Not even ten minutes later we were ambushed by vamps.

They were lucky I didn't kill them on principle.

==GMB==

I had been captured by vampires.

This.

This right here is why I will never sleep well again.

Why isn't there a princess to guard my nightmares here? And if there is, why the fuck hasn't she stopped by?!

Captured by vampires that are leading me to a nest.

Definitely not gonna sleep tonight. Or tomorrow. Or ever again.

_You're being dramatic. You know they aren't capturing you to kill you._

For now...

_You're hopeless_

You're my worthless conscience. So who the real hopeless one here?

Someone ripped the sack off my head. If it wasn't for the gag they'd stuffed in my mouth, I'd be swearing at him.

Why did this guy have to have Benny's face? Wasn't that just the greatest tragedy? Curse you, Supernatural, for reusing actors like this. It makes my heart hurt for Benny all over again.

_Just another vampire that's not like the res-_

I will choke you.

Sam was tied up at my side.

I hissed through the gag at the vamp.

He showed off his fangs, hissing though it was more effective.

Who cares? I'm not sleeping anyway.

"Wait! Step back, Eli." Lenore instructed, coming in from the hall.

Waited as long as you could on that, huh Lenore?

The bartending vampire took a step back.

I want to kill him.

I want to kill him right now.

Every part of me was _desperate_ to kill him right now. A vampire right in front of me, ready for an attack. One that from the rest of the episode I knew wouldn't hesitate to kill me himself to get a leg up for his kind.

So neither would I.

At the word of his nest leader, Eli did back off. Not without another glare my way. Lenore walked over to Sam, pulling the gag out of his mouth. She pulled out mine, and I tried to bite her hand.

"My name's Lenore, I'm not going to hurt you." Lenore promised. Knowing that she actually meant it, I let her remove the gag. I still glared at her. "We just need to talk."

"Just a chat? Oh yeah, let's get on that. Have a nice cup of tea too. Did you want the blood from my femory or radial artery?" I snapped.

"I might have a tough time paying attention to much besides Eli's teeth." Sam snarked.

"I don't want your blood." Lenore stated. "He won't hurt you either, you have my word."

"Your word? Oh yeah, great, thanks. Listen lady, no offense but you're not the first vampire I've met." Sam warned.

Lenore took a step closer.

"Lady, if you don't want me killing you on instinct, step back." I warned.

She did. Good to know that even though I wasn't a vampire anymore, others still obeyed me. Not a fun power, not a fun power at all.

"We're not like the others." Lenore explained, calm and careful. Sam was over 6 feet, and I was pissed. Whatever was keeping us tied up had no chance. "We don't kill humans, and we don't drink their blood. We haven't for a long time."

"What is this, some kind of joke?" Sam asked.

"Notice you're still alive." Lenorenoted.

"At your leisure." I pointed out. "I know your kind. You don't do this from the kindness of your heart. You don't have one."

Lenore didn't deny it.

"The cows. You're the ones eating the cows." I '_realized'_. "There haven't been any murders, besides the heads of your nest, and cattle mutilations. No wonder they went down so easy, they were starving."

"It's not ideal, in fact it's disgusting. But it allows us to get by." Lenore admitted. "No deaths, no missing locals, no reason for people like you to come looking for people like us. We blend in. Our kind is practically extinct. Turns out we weren't quite as high up the food chain as we imagined."

"Why are we explaining ourselves to these killers?" Eli demanded, offended at our existence.

"Eli!" Lenore scolded.

"We choke on cow's blood so that none of them suffer. Tonight they murdered Conrad and they celebrated." Eli narrowed his eyes at me.

"Yeah I did. Any dead vamp is a good vamp, in my story." I told him. Never let it be said that I have my brain cells when vampires are around.

Eli hissed.

"Eli, that's enough." Lenore scolded.

"Yeah, _Eli_." Sam gave me a look to tell me he didn't mean that for the vamp. "That's enough."

The vampire backed off.

I was glaring still.

Sam kicked my chair.

I glared at him now. To my silent dismay, Sam _flinched_.

Quickly looking away, my focus went to Lenore's shoes. He had flinched. Why had he flinched? Had my glare really looked that scary? Or...or were my eyes like _her's_? Oh Chuck...oh Chuck I can't deal with Code Orange here. Not now. Not ever.

I'd gone almost 2 years without a Code Orange. Please...please don't let her come back...nonononono-

"What's done is done. We're leaving this town tonight." Lenore insisted.

_Drive fast._

_Leave now. Right now._

_Don't wait to pack._

_Don't even take us back._

_Leave. Just leave. While I still have it in me to feel bad for you._

"Then why did you bring us here? Why are you even talking to us?" Sam asked.

"Believe me, I'd rather not." She looked at me, and I couldn't help but meet her gaze. "But as you know my kind, I know your's. Once you have the scent you'll keep tracking us, it doesn't matter where we go. Hunters will find us."

"You don't want to be followed." I stated.

"We have a right to live, we're not hurting anyone." Lenore

_Fuck_

_Fuck that's my moral code_

_The entire thing. Right there._

_If Darcy asked, I would tell her no._

_They're not killing anyone._

_We're the bad guys here._

_Fuck_

_Fuck I hate this._

_I hate that I can't even tell if I've gone over._

_This is so messed up._

"Right, so you keep saying, but give me one good reason why I should believe you." Sam bargained.

"Fine. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to let you go." Lenore offered. "Take them back. Not a mark on them."

"I wouldn't untie me." I cautioned.

"Raven no-" Sam insisted.

"I wasn't joking. I might kill them just on instinct." I admitted. "Nothing personal...okay it's completely personal but I can't help it."

"She hates us more than the others. Why would she give us a ride out?" Eli snapped.

"Because I was _raised by you_." I hissed. "I lost a childhood because of you."

_Do you even know what that's like?_

_To be perpetually a twelve-year-old?_

_Gorging on the blood of humans for 50 years?_

_To wake up hating your own existence?_

_To be scared of the only thing that ever made you feel safe growing up: the dark?_

_To not be able to look in your own eyes, or the world around you, with that childhood spark of innocence?_

"I lost _so much _to your kind."

_Darcy, smiling at me after I told her my story. Her shrugging and saying she would handle the murder-crazy stuff from now on._

_Lilac's soft voice, calling out to me. A knife falling to the ground with a splat. There had been so much blood...my head hurt so much..._

I shook my head hard. "It's not personal against you. You were right. You have a right to live...as much as it kills me to say. But don't untie me, cause I can't promise I won't knock you all down."

"There's too many of us. You wouldn't make it out the door." Eli challenged.

"Why would I? They'd all come to me." I reminded him. He curled back his lips, letting me see a sharp fang coming out. "Go ahead. Lash out at me. I'm giving you all a free pass. Just this once."

'_You let one of them go, but that's nothing new. Every now and then, a little victim's spared because she smiled, because he's got freckles, because they begged. And that's how you live with yourself. That's how you slaughter millions. Because once in awhile, on a whim, if the wind's in the right direction, you happen to be kind.'_

"But if you lash out..."

'_Sometimes you just did it to play God. Look at a person and go _I didn't kill you today. I could have, but I didn't. _That makes you feel like you own them now. Sometimes you let someone else do it for you. Sometimes, you were just too _bored _to _care_.'_

"...so will I."

'_Only killers would know that. Is that right?'_

Eli backed off.

Lenore put the sack back over my head.

_Back to the dark for me._

_Ain't this just where I belong._

==GMB==

The vampires left us behind in the parking lot of the motel. Once we were out of the car, and Sam was untied, they peeled out.

That left Sam to untie me.

He didn't say a word.

But I needed to hear it. "Just say it."

Sam glanced up at me, then back at the ties on my wrists. "What?"

"Whatever it is. Just talk. I already know it's bad. Just say it." I pleaded.

Sam paused. He looked up at me, meeting my gaze. I wondered still if he saw what I'm scared of. If he saw the monster inside. If he saw the things I wanted so badly kept hidden that I ran into a universe full of monster hunting.

_Gordon says it's all black and white. You see the bad thing and you kill it._

_But the bad thing is never so clear in the show._

_The monsters could look anything, anyone._

_Monsters live inside._

_And those are the scariest ones._

_The one that don't die from silver or holy water._

_Please don't see it, Sam._

_Please don't make it worse._

"Did you mean it?" Sam asked. "About...about letting them go?"

"Yes." To my shock and dismay, yes I did. They would go. They got the passing grade. They got to pass go and collect 200.

"What would you have done? If Eli had tried anything?" Sam asked.

_Killed him._

_Without hesitation._

"Lenore told him to stop."

_If he had disobeyed, could I really be blamed?_

"So...I would have tried." I admitted. A beat. "Sam that's about as honest as I can be right now."

Sam nodded, taking in that answer. He clearly didn't agree with me about killing them but he accepted my temporary armistice.

_Thank you_

"You don't want to kill them." I spoke.

Sam pasued. "You kept saying...that they were running away. And those cows weren't killed by something human. There's too much that doesn't add up to anything I know."

"But you believe them?" I asked.

"It's-" Sam looked back to the motel room. "It's the right thing to do."

"Okay."

Together, we walked back into the motel room. Dean and Gordon were sitting on the desk.

Chuck, I wanted to spit in his face so bad.

"Where you two been?" Dean asked, like a dad wondering why his kids broke curfew.

I held up my arm. "Outside."

Sam put his hand on my shoulder. "Can we talk to you alone?"

Dean accepted the demand. "You mind chillin' out for a couple minutes?" He asked Gordon.

Gordon gave us his leave.

I made sure to subtly flip him off.

Outside, Sam gave the case to Dean.

"Dean, maybe we've got to rethink this hunt." Sam began.

"What are you talking about? Where were you two?" Dean insisted.

Sam hesitated. "In the nest."

"You _found_ it?" Dean asked, eyes wide. I nodded. "You didn't stop him?"

"They found us, man." Sam explained

"How'd you get out? How many did you kill?" Dean asked. "What am I asking, Raven's with you. She wiped them out."

"None." Sam answered, looking a little annoyed.

"Well Sam, they didn't just let you go." Dean snarked.

"Yeah they did actually." I held up the rope they'd used to tie me up. "See? Still got the rope burns for it."

"All right, well, where is it?" Dean pressed.

"We were blindfolded, I don't know." Sam answered.

"Raven?" Dean prompted.

"..."

"Come on, you gotta know." Dean pressed. "These are _vamps_. You had to track 'em back."

"Don't tell me what to feel. I know these are vampires. Don't tell me they're vampires." I hissed.

"We went over that bridge outside of town, but Dean, listen. Maybe we shouldn't go after them." Sam insisted.

Now Dean looked thrown. "Why not?"

"I don't think they're like other vampires. I don't think they're killing people." Sam insisted.

"Okay. Now I know you drank the kool aid." Dean turned to me. "He's joking. He's gotta be joking. How do they stay alive? Or undead, or whatever the hell they are."

"The cows." I supplied. "They liked their meat a little rarer."

Now Dean looked disgusted. Is that a point to me? I should look it up. "And you _believed _them?"

"Look at us, Dean. They let us go without a scratch." Sam noted.

"She's got rope burns on her wrist!" Dean reminded him.

"I told them if they untied me I'd kill them on instinct. Nothing personal." I admitted.

"Nothing personal?! Are you-" Dean shook his head. No, man, no way. I don't know why they let you go. I don't really care. We find 'em, we waste 'em."

"Why?" Sam prompted.

"What part of '_vampires' _don't you understand, Sam?" Dean snapped. "If it's supernatural, we kill it, end of story. That's our job."

"No, Dean, that is _not _our job. Our job is hunting _evil_. And if these things aren't killing people, they're not _evil_!" Sam argued.

"Of course they're killing people, that's what they do. They're all the same, Sam." Dean snapped. "They're not human, okay? We have to exterminate every last one of them."

_Exterminate every last one of them_

_Funny to hear from the guy that goes all buddy-cop with a vamp in season 8._

_Oh, Benny, Eli did you no justice._

"No, Dean, I don't think so, all right? Not this time." Sam insisted. "Raven agrees."

"They have a right to live. They haven't killed anyone, and yes I do believe that. They're like junkies finally going clean. I gotta let them have their shot." I told him.

Dean was still stubborn on it. Not that it was a surprise that he would be against all of this. "Gordon's been on those vamps for a year, man, he knows."

"Gordon?" Sam snarked.

"Oh that guy. Great."

"Yes." Dean answered.

"You're taking his word for it?" Sam asked.

"That's right." Dean nodded.

"Ellen says he's bad news." Sam countered.

"You called Ellen?" Dean asked in surprise. "And I'm supposed to listen to her? We barely know her, Sam, no thanks, I'll go with Gordon."

"And you've known him for all of- what- three rounds?" I countered.

"You don't think I can see what this is?" Sam asked him.

"What are you talking about?"

"He's a substitute for Dad, isn't he? A poor one."

I winced, turning away from the fight. Just in time to see Gordon's car driving off the lot.

_Well fuck you too._

_Cause you took the keys._

_Any love Dean had for you will die for what you did._

"Shut up, Sam."

"He's not even close, Dean. Not on his best day."

"You know what? I'm not even going to talk about this."

"You know, you slap on this big fake smile but I can see right through it. Because I know how you feel, Dean. Dad's dead."

_I know._

_I'm the one that killed him._

_He died for my sake._

"And he left a hole, and it hurts so bad you can't take it, but you can't just fill up that hole with whoever you want to. It's an insult to his memory." Sam ranted.

"Okay." Dean reeled back, punching Sam in the face.

_Nope._

I lashed out.

Dean fell to the ground. He'd be feeling that for a week.

There was a lot of pent up rage in that.

_I'm surprised I didn't snap his neck with that._

Dean looked up at me, reaching for his cut lip.

"I warned you- I'd snap every bone in your body. Did you think that was a joke?!"

_When I make threats I keep them_

_I don't joke around when blood is involved_

_Waste of a good __**sna-**_

Sam pulled me back, holding me against him so I couldn't punch Dean again. A good move because the way I was thinking would've have me puking on him instead. "You hit me all you want. It won't change anything."

Dean stood up on his feet. He wiped his chin with the back of his hand. "I'm going to that nest. You don't want to tell me where it is, fine. I'll find it myself."

"Dean?" Sam called. He let me go to chase after his brother.

I fell to my knees, numb.

_Darcy I'm sorry._

_I'm so sorry..._

_I can't believe...what am I without you?_

_Fuck I hate this_

_I hate feeling like this_

_I fucking hate Gordon Walker_

_I hate. Every. Little. Thing._

_...I just need my sister back..._

==GMB==

Gordon had taken the keys. Dean had to hotwire Baby to let us give chase.

I was sitting numbly in the backseat, staring at Sam's headrest. Tuning them out was easy. Getting lost in my head had been a habit that I hadn't been able to shake.

_She held my hand when I was scared to walk in the dark._

_She never made fun of it after I told her the truth._

_She was always a good sister_

_A pain in my ass_

_But the best sister I could've asked for_

_And now she's gone_

_And I don't know where to turn_

==GMB==

I don't remember getting out of the car.

One second I was in it, the next I was looking at Gordon cut into Lenore with a blood soaked machete.

"Sam, Raven, Dean. Come on in." Gordon incited.

Lenore looked more dead than vampires usually did. Her skin was becoming a sickly gray. Well what you _could _see of her skin. Most of it was covered in bloodied cuts.

"Hey, Gordon. What's going on?" Dean asked, cautious.

"Just poisoning Lenore here with some dead man's blood. She's going to tell us where all her little friends are, aren't you? Want to help?" Gordon held out a blood soaked machete.

"Look, man-"

"Grab a knife. I was just about to start in on the fingers." Gordon moved the knife along Lenore's arm. The vampire didn't even flinch. Her eyes shut for a breath. One would almost think she was finally dying.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, let's all just chill out, huh?" Dean asked.

"I'm completely chill." Gordon replied.

"Gordon, put the knife down." Sam moved towards Gordon. Dean stopped him.

"Sounds like it's _Sam _here needs to chill." Gordon shook off the suspicion. He glanced at me.

_She was always in one mess or another that I was cleaning up._

_And on the rare instance I ask her to clean up mine, she dies._

_I should have watched over her better._

"Just step away from her, all right?" Sam ordered.

"You're right. I'm wasting my time here. This bitch will never talk. Might as well put her out of her misery." He put the bloody machete down. He pulled a clean one from his bag. "I just sharpened it, so it's completely humane."

_She always wanted to try out new poisons_

_Ones she'd made in a basement or back alley_

_The kind of things generally frowned upon in civilized society_

_I was secretly proud she was good at chemistry._

_But she loved knives the best._

_Because Darcy liked leaving scratches bigger than her nails could make._

"Gordon, I'm letting her go." Sam ordered. He moved to disarm Gordon.

But Gordon was faster, pointing the machete at Sam's chest. "You're not doing a damn thing."

_They told me her head had been removed._

_Her head._

_Her favorite murder weapon was a knife, and they don't even stab her?_

_Just cut her off?_

_That's not fair._

_That's not what she deserved_

_That's not what_ I _deserved_

"Hey, hey, hey, Gordon, let's talk about this." Dean spoke, trying to keep the peace. "Raven, come on, a little help?"

_She told me not to help._

_She said this was her choice._

_But I needed her._

_Selfish._

_I was always the more selfish one out of us._

"What's there to talk about? It's like I said, Dean. No shades of gray." Gordon instructed.

"Yeah. I hear ya. And I know how you feel." Dean promised.

"Do you?" Gordon snarked.

"That vampire that killed your sister deserved to die, but this one-"

"_Killed_ my sister? That filthy fang didn't kill my sister. It _turned _her. It made her _one of them_. So I hunted her down, and I killed her myself."

All of a sudden, my heart _dropped._

"_I'm a monster. Just like them, Mill. I'm not better than the monsters that hurt you."_

"_No Molly. You're _nothing _like them."_

"You did what?" Dean asked, shocked.

"It wasn't my sister anymore, it wasn't human. I didn't blink. And neither would you." Gordon argued.

"You killed your sister...you _hunted _your sister." I stated.

"_Hunters-they'll kill me. I know what they do to...to things like me-"_

"_Hey. Molly, please. Calm down."_

"_I don't wanna die like that! I don't want to lose my head! Oh god, I'm gonna die!"_

"You've been killing...over and over...because you killed your sister." I stated, my voice sending out a chill into the room.

"Why shouldn't I?" Gordon countered. "A nest of vampires suddenly acting nice? Taking a little time out from sucking innocent people? And we're supposed to buy that? Trust me. Doesn't change what they are." He eyed the boy at the end of his machete. "And I can prove it."

He moved.

I moved _faster._

There was a lot of pent up rage to let loose.

I disarmed Gordon, hitting his arm at the elbow. He jerked it, trying to swipe it at me. I kicked his kneecaps. He was pushed back. I pried the machete from his hands, uncaring about the pain in my palm or the jerking from Lenore in her chair.

"Sam, get her out of here." Dean shouted.

"Yeah." Sam picked Lenore up from the seat.

Gordon moved to stop him.

I hit him in the gut.

_Knives were always her thing._

_I liked using my hands._

"Raven, Raven stop!" Dean shouted over the roar in my ears.

"You're not serious." Gordon snapped in my face. He grabbed my arms, trying to pull me away. I'd kick at his legs.

"She didn't do anything!" I yelled at him.

"It's a fang! It doesn't _need to!" _Gordon snapped. "Dean knows. He gets it! He's just like me!"

I kicked Gordon down. _Hard_.

"You killed your sister!" I kicked him in the ribs. There was a satisfying grunt of pain. "The person who relied on _you_ to keep her _safe_. And you killed her!"

"_They're gonna kill me Raven!" A young girl cried into my arms. _

"_No. No. Molly, I swear, no one will hurt you." I promised, brushing down on her back._

I kicked him again in the ribs, then twice in the stomach and once in the face. Gordon was not looking like a happy camper. Blood was starting to come up out of his mouth.

"_Darcy. Darcy what did you do?!"_

_My sister stared up at me with dark purple eyes. There were bruises all over her arms and face. Blood leaked from her mouth into the ground where she had collapsed._

"_They're not touching _you_." Darcy promised._

"Did she beg you to stop? Was she crying because her brother was going to kill her? Did you ever stop to think about how much she needed you?" All the while, I gave painful kicks to the hunter.

Dean hadn't stepped in. He was picking himself up off the floor, his heavy confused stare at my back.

"_Ivy? Ivy where'd you go? ...Molly? MOLLY!"_

"_Don't. She's not Morgan. I'M MORGAN! SHE'S DARCY!"_

"The older ones aren't supposed to kill their sisters! They're supposed to _die_ protecting them!" I shouted. "You should've died before you'd see her die!"

_Finding a head with familiar red hair, with her sunglasses next to it. _

_Molly's head._

_Trapped in a dungeon, feeling my heart breaking as my sister left the world. The soul shattered scream that came out of my mouth._

_Later, I found out Darcy had her head chopped off. _

_Crouching by Molly's head, sobbing into the night._

_Unable to even _look _at Darcy's body. Not without breaking down._

"How could you kill her, you bastard!" All of my force was put into my foot as I kicked him in the face. More blood poured out from his mouth. "She needed you and you let her down!"

"Hey hey!" Dean called out.

He came up behind me, holding my arms back. My legs kept kicking on Gordon's direction. The man lay prone on the floor.

"Raven, he's down! He's not getting up! Not after that." Dean assured me.

But that didn't stop the pain.

It didn't stop the crying.

It didn't stop me from turning to push my face into Dean's jacket, and letting out two years of pain and loss.

_I'm not like Gordon_

_I'm not_

_I can't be_

_I wouldn't do that to her_

_I just want her back_

"I know, kid, I know." Dean was brushing a hand down my hair. I continued sobbing into his jacket. "I know you do."

Had I been saying that outloud?

Whatever.

It just hurt.

"_I'm sorry."_

"You got nothing to be sorry for." Dean told me.

He held me like that for a long time, until he had to let go to tie up Gordon.

"You know, I might be like you, and I might not." Dean stated to him. "But you're the one tied up right now."

I snorted, still crying.

Dean smirked.

He's an ass.

But he's a great friend.

==GMB==

Sam came back as the sun rose.

I was curled up on the window seat. Sunlight was streaming warmly against my back but I barely felt it. There hadn't been any chance to sleep. Just sit mindlessly at the window. Dean let me. Dean didn't tell me to do anything but stay where I was. Even when Gordon woke up, Dean glared at him any time Gordon glance a little too much my way.

Gordon was sat in the middle of the room, tied up and looking very much beaten. His right eye had started to swell- had I kicked his eye? Or was it a punch? I couldn't remember. I just knew the tight ropes weren't helping all those kicks to the ribs and stomach. Not that I cared. He killed his sister. He lost my sympathy a long time ago.

Dean was pacing.

"Did I miss anything?" Sam snarked.

"Lenore get out okay?" I asked, avoiding his question.

"Yeah. _All _of them did." Sam answered, looking down at Gordon. The beaten hunter was sitting quietly in the chair. The air around him seething with rage.

"Good. That's good." I nodded numbly against the seat. "That Eli was fun dude. Gonna miss him."

"Then I guess our work here is done." Dean announced with finality. He walked over my latest punching bag. "How you doin', Gordy? Gotta tinkle yet?"

Gordon glared coldly.

Rolling my eyes, I climbed to my feet.

"All right. Well, get comfy. We'll call someone in two or three days, have them come out, untie you." Dean instructed.

"Leave him for the rats." I deadpanned tiredly, walking around the boys.

"Nah. We're not like him." Dean stated. He lifted Gordon's machete off the table.

"Ready to go, guys?" Sam asked.

"Not yet. I guess this is goodbye. Well, it's been real." Dean gave Gordon one more punch. The chair swung with the force, throwing Gordon to the ground. That definitely took out the other eye. "Okay. I'm good now." He turned towards me. "Are you?"

"No." I walked out the door of the house..

Of course, the boys followed me.

"Raven?" Dean called out.

I stopped in my steps, nervously touching at my wrists.

"About what happened last night...you wanna talk about that?" He asked.

I scuffed my shoe on the dirt.

Sam walked up behind Dean. Now both of them could hear. Great. Awesome.

"Molly was a vamp." I explained. My mind made quick sense of the ghost-memories in my mind, flashing much like the psychic dreams Sam had. "My sister. Molly. She was turned. She was...she was just like them. But we weren't...we weren't bad. I couldn't lose her, how could I? She was all of it. We only went...she only killed people that did harm. Pedos, murderers, rapists, the bad ones. She loved it. I...I just loved having a family."

I was crying again.

Nobody was around to slap me.

How fucking worthless.

"She was my sister, and I let them kill her. I found her head...just her head."

_It hurt_

_It hurt so much worse than anything ever had before_

_I'd been beaten_

_Tortured_

_Had my guts pulled out and my blood used as paint_

_I've crashed spaceships_

_I've fucking died_

_And losing Darcy hurt worse than any of that_

"So when Gordon said he did that to his...it wasn't right."

"Raven...we had no idea." Sam assured.

"I hate vamps. I hate them _so much_. There will never be a day in my life where I'm not cursing them for existing but...but I know there are a few good ones out there." I wiped my tear soaked cheeks with my sleeve. "I hate it but there are good ones out there. And I hate him now, more than I hate their existence."

I sniffled one more time.

_Cry on my own time_

_I'm on the clock_

"He killed his sister. A sister that probably wanted her big brother when she went through that change. He doesn't get to play the victim card." I stated strongly, sucking in the pain again.

_See you in two years_

_Or whatever_

"Sam? Clock me one." Dean offered.

I turned to him, confused. Dean had his arms out wide. Sam was just as confused as me.

"What?"

"Come on. I won't even hit you back. Let's go." Dean offered.

Sam shook his head. "No."

"Let's go, you can get a freebie. Hit me, come on." Dean explained. "Raven already got to punch me. It's your go."

"Exactly. Your lip is swollen, and I'm pretty sure you've got a black eye from her shoulder. I'll take a rainchecl" Sam pointed out.

"I hit him with my shoulder?" I asked.

Dean nodded. "You...didn't like being held back."

"Ah. That makes sense." I nodded, looking down at the scuffed up dirt.

Dean sighed. Together, we all walked to the Impala. "I wish we never took this job, just... jacked everything up."

"What do you mean?" Sam asked.

"Think about all the hunts we went on, Sammy, our whole lives." Dean explained.

"Okay."

"What if we killed things that didn't deserve killing? You know?" Dean asked. It gave me the kind of moral dilemma I didn't need just now. Just what a needed. To remember John Fucking Winchester existed. "I mean, the way Dad raised us-"

"Dean, after what happened to Mom, Dad did the best he could." Sam reminded him.

_And he still did it wrong._

_Fuck I hate John_

_Even if he gave me a much easier moral dilemma to handle than good vampires._

_Fuck John Winchester_

"I know he did. But the man wasn't perfect. And the way he raised us, to hate those things; and man, I hate 'em. I do." Dean explained. "When I killed that vampire at the mill I didn't even think about it; hell, I even _enjoyed _it."

"You didn't kill Lenore." Sam reminded him. He turned to me. "You didn't either."

"No, but every instinct told me to. I was gonna kill her. I was gonna kill 'em all." Dean admitted.

"I would've enjoyed it too." I agreed. "A whole nest of vamps...would've been easy."

"Yeah, Dean, Raven, but you didn't. And that's what matters." Sam promised.

"Yeah. Well, 'cause you're a pain in my ass." Dean answered.

"I didn't need the bitchface at me." I added.

"Guess I might have to stick around to be a pain in the ass, then." Sam replied with a smile. "And a bitchface."

"Thanks."

"I hate it."

Sam gave us a shit eating grin. "Don't mention it."

The three of us climbed into the car.

_I didn't sleep for two days._

_If I was hallunciating by the end of it, that's between me and Smashed Fly On the Window._

**==GMB==**

**AN: I truly think this is one of my favorite Supernatural episodes to write. It's one of the ones that I looked forward to writing when I first put Raven Quinzel on paper. Just...there's so much to unpack here. The paralells between her and Gordon, the memories of her vampire self, the memories of Darcy dying, fuck I love **'_**Bloodlust'**_**.**

**I'm praticing social distancing by spending all my time writing fanfiction. Hopefully this means a lot of updates, cause my state is essentially shut down for a month. So...comment how you're doing or what you're thinking! See y'all for **_**Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things**_


	4. The Empty Grave

There was an empty grave in Greenville, Illonis.

Everyone had known it was empty when they buried it. All that had been left of the child was ash. When they bought the grave for her mother, it had felt wrong to not give the child a grave too.

Engraved in stone was _Millicent Rachel Winchester, May 2 1983 - Nov 2 1983_

She had only been six months old.

Nobody had thought to ask if the child had gone missing.

It was too horrific- too impossible.

Not even her father had thought it- not even when he knew that something darker had been behind the death of his wife.

==GMB==

She stood in front of an empty grave.

She saw her stolen body's name on the grave. She saw a history she hadn't lived. She thought about her rare visions of Millie's life.

What kind of fucked up author wrote her with a vampire story? That's not fair.

She knew it was more serious than that. She just...she couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe it. How unfair it was, not just to her but to Millie too. None of it was fair. None of it was kind. Even the one good thing she had was taken from her.

She hated this whole thing. She hadn't come here wanting to be their sister- that hadn't been her idea. She wanted to be a '_family don't end in blood'_. She wanted to be _Raven Quinzel_, a loner whose past didn't matter.

Can't she ever get the _normal _backstories?

Sam stood at her side. He finished burying his dad's dog tags on their mother's grave. He followed her sight to her own grave.

"You okay?" Sam asked. He couldn't imagine what she must be feeling. He had never looked at his own grave. And she hadn't even been dead. A while sister his dad had lied about, had never _told _him and Dean about. He had talked about mom, but the memory always choked him up.

_Had he only mentioned mom? Or had the boys just assumed?_

_Cause even to Sam and Dean Winchester, the idea of her being gone was just too terrible?_

"I hate it." She answered him.

==GMB==

A man died in her name.

He was going to die anyway. She shouldn't feel this guilt. He was supposed to have died for Dean.

But John chose her.

That wasn't fair.

She never liked it when people died in her name.

She wanted him dead.

But not like this.

Now she was carrying the weight of a dead man.

She never did well in those circumstances.

==GMB==

They were chasing an actual zombie. Raven would've called it a '_real live one'_, but Angela wasn't exactly '_live'._

She had a dad. A dad that was heartbroken for her loss.

"_Family's everything, you know? Angie was the most important thing in my life. And now I, I'm just lost without her."_

Raven heard that line in her first watch of the episode. She felt for the man, understanding the loss of a daughter. She had one of her own. If Raven had lost her, she didn't know what she'd do.

But now she was the daughter thought lost.

Her heart couldn't take it. This is exactly why she worked so hard not to pay attention to it.

Sam kept asking Dean why he was trying so hard for this to be a case. He never wondered why Raven was agreeing so easily with Dean.

Raven ignored why Dean was so desperate for this case. She ignored a lot of things lately.

Things she ignored tended to end up exploding.

==GMB==

They found the living undead Angela at her friend's house.

It was easy work to drag her friend- the one that revived Angela in the first place- to the graveyard.

They nailed her into her coffin.

Raven pointedly avoided looking at the other empty grave nearby.

Both of the boys noticed.

==GMB==

The Impala pulled off to the side of the road.

Raven wasn't surprised.

What _did _surprise her was when Dean turned in his seat to glare at her. "Get out of the car."

Raven- who liked not being dead- obeyed. Because when Dean Winchester has to pull over the Impala to order you, you fucking do what he says.

She walked out, standing awkwardly in front of the car. The boys came out in tandem. She kept her hands in jean pockets to keep from fidgeting with them.

"I'm not gonna like this, am I?" Raven asked the stern faced Dean and the concerned faced Sam.

"No." Dean replied. "Now start talking."

"You know, I really liked the weather from the past few days. Such lovely breezes-"

"You know what I mean." Dean warned her.

Raven chewed on her cheek.

Dean kept a narrow gaze on her. "You've been quiet. You are never quiet. So start talking."

Raven was a pro at hiding what she felt. She could ignore it if need be, and there was a definite need to hide her real feelings.

"Raven." Sam asked. "What is it?"

Chuck dammit.

Raven couldn't say no to Sam Fucking Winchester. Because...because he was the twin brother of the girl that belonged in that empty grave. She couldn't make herself hide this from him. She'd made it her nature to bare her soul to her twin. "I'm sorry."

"You- for what?" Sam asked.

Raven ignored the tears that wanted to come out. She pushed them down- pushed them way down. Just because she was baring her soul to her twin didn't mean she would start crying. She hadn't fallen that far. "The way I've been acting." Dean sat down on the hood on the Impala. Sam moved to sit with him. Raven stood, the odd girl out. "And for John. He was your dad too."

_Get back in there, tear!_

_Good._

"I know you blame me for it. You should. It's my fault he's gone." Raven stated, trying so hard to speak plainly.

"What are you talking about?" Sam asked, confused.

"You seriously think that?" Dean asked, .

"I know you've been thinking it- so have I. Doesn't take a genius to figure it out." Raven replied. "Back at the hospital, I made a full recovery. You both were saying I was a ghost chased by a Reaper. It was a _miracle_. And five minutes later John is dead and the Colt's gone."

Sam had his big puppy dog eyes on his sister. They were rapidly filled with grief and helplessness. "Raven."

"It wasn't you." Dean argued, shaking his head.

"Don't lie to me. I know it was. I know all of it was." Raven snapped at them. She knew what she knew. She knew what John had done. She knew Dean had made an early recovery, and that _she _was the one about to die.

She had been prepared to help Dean in that grief.

She wasn't ready to help herself.

"John must've done something with that demon because he's gone and so's the Colt and who's left behind? Whole and healthy? _Me_." Raven explained.

"We don't know that. Not for sure." Sam denied.

"Yes we do. And I'm the one that keeps seeing it." Raven snarled. She couldn't help it. She was a liar but not about _this_. She knew what she knew. She knew the truth. "You boys...you're like brothers now. You have been for a long time. And I killed your dad. It was the thing I kept trying to do- over and over again. Even when I found out he was...that we were...and now that's it done I...how am I supposed to feel? I hate him. I hate him _so much..._I know he was your dad. That I should care about him and not speak ill of the dead, but...I don't know what else to do!"

Raven turned her back to them. She wasn't able to face them now. The air had been cleared. She had said her peace...she'd killed their dad.

She didn't feel bad about John dying.

She felt bad that John had died for her.

Chuck just the thought made her _sick_.

Enough people had done that.

She was sick and tired of her family _dying _so _she could live_.

"There. Is _that what_ you were looking for?" Raven asked, getting her own emotions to heel.

She heard nothing from the boys. They weren't saying anything.

**==GMB==**

**AN: Well...self isolation is fucking me up. How's everybody else? We good? You good? Please leave a comment! I have literally so much to do for finals week but I also feel like I have nothing to do because wth even is time anymore**

**I'm saying that like I had any concept of time in the first place. **


	5. Being The Good Twin

Raven missed her sister.

She needed her sister more than the tides needed the moon.

Losing her sister was a loss Raven could never take. It happened a lot, actually. About as much as one expects from a Hunter. A Hunter that gets lucky a lot.

She wouldn't wish this existence on anyone else. To be without a part that made you whole. Something in your life that completed you.

It was such a shame that half the times her sister left had been because Raven had killed her.

==GMB==

Sam and Raven had woken up with visions of a man blowing out his own brains. Dean had been hesitant to believe it at first.

"I don't know, guys, why don't we just chill out, think about this." Dean cautioned them.

"What's there to think about?" Sam asked.

"I just don't know if going to the Roadhouse is the smartest idea." Dean cautined.

"Dean, it's another premonition." Sam insisted. "We know it. Raven saw it too, not just me. Whenever we had a shared vision, it always came true exactly like we saw. This is gonna happen, and Ash can tell us where."

"Yeah, man, but-" Dean tried to convince.

"All our paired visions come from the demon." Raven reminded him. "Sam's visions always do."

"That's my point. There's gonna be hunters there, I don't know if, if, if going in and announcing that you're some supernatural freak with a, a demonic connection is the best thing, okay?" Dean reasoned.

"So we're freaks now?" Sam noted.

Dean pushed his brother's shoulder. "You've always been freaks."

Raven pretended the word didn't hurt something inside her. She wasn't a freak. She just had weird powers.

Her sister had always wanted to stab the people that called Raven a freak. She had missed that, missed it so much. She missed the long fight about not stabbing people, about it being a bad thing. Darcy would only agree to stop if Raven affirmed her powers.

==GMB==

Ash had sent them to the right town. Following the pattern of a six month old baby losing their mother in a house fire. A man named Andrew Gallagher was the target that popped up.

Raven could see the problems with the case already. The dead mother wasn't his birth mother. Azazel didn't kill the ones that made a deal, he killed whoever interrupted. Ash hadn't found any records about Andrew's background before the fire, because it hadn't been important.

Darcy would find Weber in an hour, slice out his throat without blinking.

Raven would've made token protests. They both knew that she was so proud of Darcy.

She was always proud of Darcy.

==GMB==

Andy was very lucky that the discount Jedi mind trick didn't work on Raven.

She would have snapped his head clear off his neck.

Andy was also very lucky that it wasn't him doing all of this. It was a major factor in why his head was still on his neck.

_(He touched Baby. Those were among the reasons he was on thin fucking ice.)_

But Andy didn't have the heart of a killer. He didn't have it in him to order Dr Jennings to shoot himself, then to walk in front of a bus to finish the job. That wasn't the kind of kill one made if it was a one off thing, Weber was _assassinating_ people on his specific list. How they died didn't matter, as long as they did.

Andy didn't want anything. He wanted to take the Impala for a joy ride. He wanted to live in a van. He liked the job he had. His life, as he saw it, was perfect the way it was. What more could he need?

Weber felt robbed. The world had betrayed him from the start, as he saw it. His mother separated him from his brother. Dr Jennings had approved the adoptions. Weber had his life stolen by the people who were supposed to make it in the first place. And when he had the chance of having that life with Andy, he keeps away anyone that interrupts that.

Raven had noted something though. Sam and her could throw off the commands, their own demon powers _much_ stronger than Andy and Weber's. Still...there was a good chance that Andy would be able to throw off Weber's commands.

Weber wanted the perfect life with his brother. Damn anyone who tried to stop it. Even Andy himself.

Raven hoped it didn't come to that...she wouldn't wish this existence on anyone.

==GMB==

Sam and Raven were walking towards Weber's car. The car was at the top of a large dam. Sam had a vision of Tracy- Andy's sorta girlfriend- jumping off it. Dean drove the three psychic adults to the dam, declining the choice to take the bastard down.

Sam slammed his elbow into Weber's window. Andy was opening Tracy's side door. Raven kept her hand near her gun, kept herself at Sam's side.

"Get out of the car! Now!" Sam ordered.

Weber gave them both a deadpan look. "You really don't want to do this."

Raven grabbed him by the back of his neck, dragging him out of the car. She smacked him with a Gibbs on the back of his head. Weber fell to the ground.

_The Gibbs headslap always did it's work._

Andy was guiding Tracy back from the car.

"Don't move. Don't move!" Sam ordered Weber. He rushed at the psychic, holding him up.

"I ain't afraid to kick your ass back down." Raven warned.

Weber glared back at her.

Andy ran over, after assuring Tracy was unharmed. He grabbed a pre-made strip of duct tape. He slapped it over Weber's mouth. Then, as Sam backed off, proceeded to kick his twin brother's ass.

"No! No, Andy, let us handle this, all right?" Sam instructed.

"I'm gonna kill you!" Andy hissed.

"No! We'll handle this, we'll handle this!" Sam insisted.

"I will kill you!" Andy ranted.

"Hey!" Raven barked. She understood the murderous impulse to kill your murderer sibling. However, she had learned a while ago that it was better to hold off the impulse until you had a clearer head. The yelling felt better when you could think clearly. "Calm Tracy down. She's panicking."

Andy huffed. He glared at his brother.

Raven had a front row seat to Tracy walking over. She watched as she raised a branch, smacking Sam on the head. Raven dodged a second hit, pretending to fall from the attack.

"Tracy, stop! I said STOP IT!" Andy ordered.

Raven heard the stick fall to the ground. She watched without moving as Andy walked up to his brother. There was the sound of tape being ripped off.

"How did you do that?"

"Practice, bro. If you'd just practice, you would know. Sometimes you don't need to use your words." Weber explained, smug as all hell. "If you have to, all you need is this. Sometimes the headache's worth it."

"You're a twisted son of a bitch!" Andy yelled.

Raven, again, understood that rage. Ah, the good ole days of threatening Darcy with murder. She missed the days when the threats were just a joke...

"Back off, Andy. Or Tracy's gonna do a little flying." Weber warned. "Aren't you, Trace? I'm stronger than you. I can do it."

Raven took a slow deep breath. She kept her mind clear, blocking off any thoughts. She had dealt with this kind of sociopath before. If they could control your mind, they could _sense _your mind. Weber has sensed Dean's mind from up a hill in the show. Raven knew a psychic man that powerful could _tell _that Raven would have murderous intent.

She had to keep what looked like a clear head.

"Okay, okay. Okay. All right, just... just please don't hurt her."

"Don't be mad at me, okay? I know, it's, it's all wrong. I didn't mean for this to happen, it's just... Tracy? She's trying to come between us." Weber excused.

Andy gawked. "You're insane."

"She's garbage! Man, they all are!" Weber ranted. "We can, we can push them, we can make them do whatever we want!"

"Are you really... are you really this stupid?" Andy laughed, dismayed on how it all went to shit so fast.

"Wha-"

"I mean, you, you learn you've got a twin...you call him up, you go out for a drink, you don't start killing people!" Andy yelled.

"I've wanted to tell you for so long, bro." Weber explained. Raven kept her mind sharp and clear. "But he didn't let me. He said I had to wait until the time was-"

"Who?" Andy pressed.

"The man with the yellow eyes." Weber revealed.

"What are you _talking_ about?"

"He came to me. In my dream. He said I was special. He told me he's got big plans for me." Weber explained in a delighted rush. "Wait 'till you see what's in store, Andy, for both of us! See, he's the one who told me I had a brother. A twin."

"Why did you kill our mother? Why, and why Dr. Jennings?" Andy questioned.

"Because they split us up!" Weber yelled. "They ruined our lives, Andy! We could have been together this whole time. Instead of alone. I couldn't, I couldn't let them do that, I couldn't let them get away with that. No."

Weber's pause made Raven smirk.

Raven propped up her gun. She aimed quickly and concisely. She fired her gun at Weber's head. The man fell to the ground.

Andy looked in shock.

Raven wouldn't wish her life on anyone.

But if anyone was going to kill the bad twin, it would be her.

It was what she did best.

==GMB==

The police had been brought over. Andy was speaking with the police. "He shot himself. And you all saw it happen."

"Yeah. We did." The policeman confirmed before walking.

"Look at him. He's getting better at it." Sam mused.

Raven hummed. "Practice makes perfect."

Andy walked past the ambulance. Tracy pointedly avoided meeting his eyes. Noticing that, Andy made a clear path for the Winchesters.

"She won't even look at me."

"Yeah, she's pretty shaken up." Sam agreed.

"No, it's, this is different. It's, uh, I never, I never used my mind thing on her before. Before last night." Andy admitted. "She's scared of me now."

"I'm sorry about that." Raven told him. "You're both good people."

Andy nodded, sucking in his lip.

"We have to go." Raven pulled out a torn piece of paper. She held it out towards Andy. "Here's my number. You're not the only one like this."

"Yeah. Right." Andy took the paper.

Raven hesitated, for only the smallest of seconds. "I didn't grow up with these two- I grew up in...well it wasn't good. I had a Weber too. She liked pulling out guts, hanging them up like Christmas decorations. Murdered a lot of people. When I say you're not alone, _I mean it_. If anyone else understands having someone like him in the family, it's me."

Andy actually seemed more sincere as he rubbed his thumb on the paper in his hand. He nodded his head.

"Anything happens, you call that number. Doesn't matter where, doesn't matter when." Raven told him.

"Wha- what am I supposed to do now?" Andy asked.

"You be good, Andy. Or we'll be back." Dean cautioned.

Andy swallowed- then nodded. He walked back towards the ambulance.

The Winchester siblings proceeded to walk back towards the Impala.

"Looks like you were wrong, Sam." Raven noted.

"About what?" Sam asked.

"Andy." Raven stated. "He's not a killer after all."

Dean hummed. "Heh, she's right. Good to see that our little know-it-all is wrong sometimes." Dean praised. Sam rolled his eyes at them both. "He's not a foaming-at-the-mouth psycho. Weber was just, he was pushed into that."

"Max Miller was pushed." Sam reminded them. "Hell, I was pushed by Jessica's death. And Raven was pushed by Ivy's."

Raven couldn't even deny it. She'd done some awful things after Ivy died. Each time her sister had died, Raven became a person she didn't like.

"Anyone snaps when pushed, Sam." Raven stated. "The kind of stress Max and Weber were put under, that would make anyone snap. If I hadn't shot Weber, there's a good chance Andy would've done to save all of us."

"You know, maybe that's what the demon's doing. Pushing us." Sam reasoned. "Finding ways to break us."

"Sam, we don't know what the demon wants, okay? Quit worrying about it." Dean instructed.

"You know, I heard you before, Dean, when Andy made you tell the truth." Sam noted. Raven paused as they reached the car. She fought off the shame that wanted to show on her face. "You're just as scared of this as I am."

"That was mind control! I mean, it's like, that's like being roofied, man, that doesn't count." Dean dismissed.

"What?"

"No. I'm, I'm calling do-over." Dean decided.

Sam scoffed. "What are you, seven?"

"Doesn't matter." Dean dismissed. "Look, we've just gotta keep doing what we're doing, find that evil son of a bitch and kill it."

"Appropriately timed _hell yes!_" Raven cheered. She popped open her door.

"Yeah, I guess." Sam sighed. He opened his door too.

The three climbed into the car.

Dean got a call from Ellen.

Raven hated that she couldn't ride on the good times for just this little bit longer.

_She really, really hated being the one to always take that shot._

_But if she didn't do it...who else would?_

_Fuck...she hated being the good twin. _

==GMB==

Ansem Weebs- Weber- whichever.

His mother never died in a house fire.

Not every psychic kid had that signature. That made it impossible to search all of them. The only clues they would have were Sam and Raven's psychic visions.

Good thing Ellen was bringing out the good alcohol. Raven was looking to get drunk.


	6. Family Has No Exit

Raven didn't want to admit she liked Jo Harvelle.

Jo was a fun person to hang out with. Though, a lot of them hanging out right now was for a case. Raven had to fight back feeling nostalgia while Jo twirled a knife in her fingers. She tried to focus more on the case in front of her, ignoring how the feelings of pain worsened.

Darcy would've put together a case like this too. She would get so excited before showing Raven. The first few times had been so sloppy, with little details here or there missing. Raven remembered how annoyed Darcy had looked when Raven pointed it out. Raven had helped her make them better. They were as good as Raven's work reports.

This report from Jo Harvelle was so close to it. Raven was fighting back feelings the whole while.

Twice in this whole mess Raven stayed up late with Jo, just looking over the case. A case where the enemy was literally America's first known serial killer, what would've been Darcy's favorite episode were it not for the feelings throughout '_No Exit'_.

But Jo Harvelle was fun. Jo Harvelle had spunk. She wanted to prove herself. She wanted to show her mom she was a good hunter. Jo wanted to prove she was capable, but on her own kind of capable. Outside of her mother and father's skills. Jo wanted to be respected on her own merits.

And that hurt Raven to see. It hurt so much.

It made it so hard not to like Jo.

At least she was blonde. That made the disconnect easier in Raven's mind.

==GMB==

Even through all of it, having all those memories of Darcy pounding in her head, Raven was surprised by the reminder to hate John Winchester.

It came from the stern glare of Ellen. The woman had already lost so much to the Winchesters. Raven didn't blame her rage. Given the story, Raven could agree with it. John did a lot of wrong in that with Jo's dad. From Ellen's perspective, Sam, Raven, and Dean did the same thing. The only difference was that Sam and Dean had this whole thing...what was it..._empathy_.

Oh also Jo was a capable fighter who took down the ghost no problem. John probably gave Jo's dad a half assed explanation with no time to really prepare against what they were fighting.

All aboard the We-Hate-John Winchester-Fan Club! We have t-shirts.

The three of us were waiting awkwardly outside. After Ellen Harvelle snaps at you to walk out, you walk out.

It was maybe ten minutes later before Jo walked out. Well not walking. That was angry stomping right there.

As much as I wanted to be a supportive friend, I knew my input wouldn't help that argument. It would be better to hang back with Sam.

"That bad, huh?" Dean asked Jo.

"Not right now." Jo warned.

"What happened?" Dean asked. Jo ignored him. "Hey, talk to me." He reaches out for her.

Jo whirled around, throwing his arm off her. "Get off me!"

Dean was a Good Guy. He listened. "Sorry. See you around." He turned back towards Sam and I, making to walk.

Jo stopped him. "Dean. It turns out my dad had a partner on his last hunt. Funny, he usually worked alone; this guy did too, but... I guess my father figured he could trust him. Mistake. Guy screwed up, got my dad killed."

I blew out a quiet breath, crossing my arms over my chest.

"What does this have to do with-" Dean asked.

Jo interrupted with that fierce Harvelle glared. "It was your father, Dean."

"What?"

"Why do you think John never came back? Never told you about us? Because he couldn't look my mom in the eye after that, that's why." Jo explained with a passionate rage.

"Jo."

"Just... just get out of here. Please, just leave." Jo requested.

Dean was a Good Guy. So he made sure Sam and I climbed into the Impala so he could make that getaway.

==GMB==

We drove in relative silence until lunch. Dean stopped us at a bar. This was fine, I could use a drink. Apparently Dean was ahead of me.

Sam went to grab a newspaper, searching for our next case maybe. I was sitting with Dean, drinking beers.

"So what? We not gonna talk about it?" Dean asked.

"Well I know my birthday date was over the week, but I'm learning to let it go since that was apparently a lie. I'm coping with it. I'm gonna have a proper birthday with Sam in May. Is this you doing a double birthday? Because I am okay with that." I replied. It was only kinda a lie, it was September 24th. I could bullshit something together to avoid my sales pitch.

Dean put down his beer with more force than was necessary. "No. I know you wanna say it. So say it."

"...I wanted the beer with lime." I lied.

Dean glared at me. I pressed my lips together.

"Come on. You're always the first one to talk about how shitty Dad was. This is your whole thing. Go ahead. What's stopping you?" Dean argued.

"It upset you when I did that." I replied.

"That never stopped you before!" Dean argued back. He had a drink from his beer, glaring out the window rather than look at me.

Awkwardly, I had some of my beer. Darcy would so want to start some shit right now. She'd encourage me to say awful things about John. It was no hardship on me. I could go on for hours.

"It's a low hanging fruit. It's less fun." I admitted.

Dean huffed. "Right. Low hanging fruit. My dad gets someone else killed, and you don't have anything to say."

There's a lot I wanted to say. Especially to Dean. '_I know what he asked of you.' 'I know he told you to kill us.' 'I know how much it's tearing you apart and how much it hurts me that it hurts you.'_

"My sister and I, we had this deal." I began explaining. Because while my birthday wasn't the same, Darcy's was. "She was a vamp. It had to be done. She ever gets too crazy, too much like the monsters we hunted, it was my job to take her down."

Dean suddenly got quiet.

"She was...it was close." I sipped on my drink again. _It had happened. I'd killed her twice. She threatened Lilac, her own niece. That was practically begging me to end her. How could I do anything else? _"Some days I think she really wanted me to kill her. Spare her any pain. I would've done it- I'd do anything for that drunk idiot. Even if it hurt me, especially then, I would help her. Because she was family, and I don't hurt family unless there's no other choice."

I looked over at Dean. The hunter was looking out a window, avoiding my eyes. "You would've killed your sister?"

_I did. Twice._

_And I still remember the screams._

"We both agreed. If she ever reached that point, she stopped being my sister. She never wanted to hurt me. And if she did..._really_ hurt me...killing her was a mercy." I explained.

_She would sell me to Satan for a corn chip._

_Not even a good corn chip either._

_But...but she knew how I got...on my bad days where all I could feel was guilt. She hated those days. She would've said anything to make that guilt less._

"In the end it didn't matter. She's gone anyway." I sipped my beer again. "And killing her didn't solve the problem. It just made me wish I'd done more to stop it."

Dean sipped his beer. He lowered it, carefully. "Do you-"

"Hey guys." Sam interrupted. He took a seat at our booth, dropping the newspaper in front of us. "Get this-"

He went on to explain a possible new case. At no point did Dean and I restart our conversation. This wasn't the place.

Later I poured one out for Darcy. She never liked the lime ones.


	7. I’m A Virgo- Wait No A Taurus

When the police came to break down the doors, Raven was already gone. Her best bet was to not be caught up in the arrests. Dean was basically doomed, Sam would keep their covers as best he could.

Raven's work had to be done a _lot _faster.

A common pastime for Raven was breaking her little sister out of police precincts. Whether her sister did the crime or not, Raven had to get her sister out of it. She had gone to crazy lengths over the years to get Darcy out of jail.

Now Raven was using those skills to help the Winchester boys.

==GMB==

Dean sat alone in his interrogation room. He was trying to figure out the '_Dana shulps' _clues found at the Giles crime scenes. He had been found at the murder scene of the wife, while Sam and Raven had been checking the husband's office.

After they arrested him, Dean knew it wasn't long before they would find it. A detective came in- Detective Sheridan, the bad cop, no doubt- all smug at finally catching the sick bastard that tortured those people in St. Louis.

He even bragged they brought in Sam, who the detective was convinced would turn on Dean. Apparently a witness had seen Sam and Dean break in, but not Raven (who had snuck in from the window). Dean held the slightest hope they wouldn't find Raven. His little sister was smart, she would come up with something.

Dean would just have to work from here in the meanwhile. Hence, decoding '_Dana shulps'_

The door opened. "Dean Winchester?" A familiar brunette poked her head in, looking at him. She wore a cheap suit instead of blue flannel.

Dean stared, wide eyed.

Raven let herself in. "Raven Quinzel, I'm with the public defender's office." She sat herself down across from him. Dean understood it now. "I'm your lawyer."

"Hey, you got any paper?" Dean asked.

Raven reached into her suit pocket. She handed Dean a small notepad and a motel pen. Dean started scribbling. "The police haven't found a weapon yet. Your prints all over the scene and Karen's _blood _on your _hands _don't make my job easy."

Dean grumbled. "I was checking for bruises on her wrist."

Raven hummed. She nodded to the notepad. "Got anything?"

"Anagrams."

"Excuse me?"

"Anagrams."

"You mean...like _I-_"

"Yeah." Dean cut her off. Raven had guessed anagrams from the start. She was gonna be a pain for this. "You got it."

She hummed again. '_Yeah fuck you.' _"Well I think '_Dana Shulps',_ if I'm reading correctly, has anything to do with the case. I've checked before coming in."

"Just check these." Dean handed back the notepad. Raven glanced over the list. "Local places, names, anything?"

She shook her head. She snorted. "You're under arrest for two murders, and you're solving an anagram puzzle."

"I'm handcuffed to a table, I get it." Dean held up the hands as proof. "I'm in deep trouble unless I got a good lawyer."

"Better than your brother." Raven argued. Dean almost rolled his eyes. The twins had gone back and forth on the lawyer ever since they both admitted to wanting the job. "Ashland Street."

"What?"

"Ashland Street, there was one on a map." Raven reported. "And I think I was an old supply store there."

"SUP." Dean reasoned. "Raven Quinzel you're a genius."

"I know." Raven grinned, smug as all hell. "Which brings me to this: anything you want me to bring to your brother?"

Dean nodded. He pulled out another sheet from the notepad, scribbling on it. He handed it over to Raven.

She read it, snorting. "You two..."

"Yeah yeah, Matlock, just deliver it." Dean instructed.

Raven pressed her lips together. She rose up, grabbing the notepad and pen. She walked out of the room, still holding in giggles.

Dean had a plan. He knew the both of them would understand it.

==GMB==

Sam was kept in a smaller room, almost like a break room. He hadn't heard anything about Dean besides murder charges, or from Raven since she walked out for a soda.

He was pleasantly relieved when Raven walked onto the break room.

"Hello Mr Winchester, I'm Raven Quinzel." She greeted with a friendly polite smile. She sat herself down across from him. "Graduated second in my class from Harvard, law school. You heard of it?"

Sam glared. "I have."

She was smuggly grinning now. Why had Sam wanted a twin sister again? He couldn't recall any of the wishes or prayers of having a sibling that wasn't Dean. "Great. Your brother has a message for you. I think Dean's giving us reason to kill him later. He's an Aquarius, it's just what he's like."

Sam was handed a slip of paper. He read Dean's note '_HILTS- ASHLAND SUPPLIES -MCQUEEN'_

"It was an anagram." Sam internally sighed when he looked up. Raven was smiling proudly. "How'd you find it, Matlock?"

She wasn't even upset by the joke. She smiled on, queen of the world. "Ashland is a street on a map, and a supply store would cover the last three letters." Raven answered. "I'm a Taurus, I can find this stuff."

"Why do you know that?"

"I told you, I had a witch phase. Stuff like that is basic." Raven excused. She scoffed. "Such a Taurus question."

Sam eyed his sister. "You don't actually believe that stuff, do you?"

"I believe it _annoys_ you that I believe that stuff." Raven replied with cheer.

Someone knocked on the door. Raven has no time to answer before the door was thrown open. Detective Ballard- good cop- rushed in. "We need you. With the other one."

Raven rolled her eyes. "Why the gods cursed me with the Winchester's, I'll never understand."

Sam snorted as Raven walked away. He waited until the door was shut and all was quiet before he moved.

==GMB==

Raven walked into Dean's interrogation room. A camera had been set up, while Detective Sheridan was grinning like a man fishing for a promotion.

"Counselor? Your boy decided to confess." Sheridan cheered.

Raven huffed, blowing out a breath. "Okay." She walked up to Dean. "Mr Winchester, take note, I'm saying this is a bad idea." She kept looking at his face, hoping he'd get what she was trying to say.

Dean gave a small nod.

"Talk directly into the camera." Sheridan instructed. He stood up, walking to stand beside his partner. "First stating your name for the record."

Dean leaned forward. Raven shook her head, backing up from the table. "My name is Dean Winchester. I'm an Aquarius. I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach, and frisky women."

Dean glanced towards Raven. She was glaring at him, angry enough to convince everyone in the room she was mad. After a year with her, Dean knew she was fighting the urge to laugh.

He went back to giving the camera a hard even stare.

"And I _did not _kill anyone. But I know who did." Dean looked up towards the detectives. "Or rather _what_ did. Of course it can't be for sure, because our investigation was interrupted. But our working theory was that we're looking for some kind of vengeful spirit."

"Excuse me?" Detective Ballard asked.

"You know, Casper the bloodthirsty ghost?" Dean explained. Raven took a shark breath. Dean knew he had her in that one. "Tony Giles saw it. I'll bet you cash money Karen did too. But see, the interesting thing is the word it leaves behind. For some reason it's trying to tell us something. But communicating across the vale, it ain't easy. You know, sometimes the spirits, they, they get things jumbled. You remember '_REDRUM'_. Same concept. You know, it's, uh, maybe word fragments... other times, it's anagrams. See, at first we thought this was a name, Dana Shulps. But now we think it's a store, _Ashland Supplies_. Whatever's going on, I'll bet you it started there."

He beamed at the detectives, holding up his hands as if to say '_was that enough?'_. The corner of Raven's lip was curling up. It was getting harder for her to hold back laughter.

"You arrogant bastard." Sheridan snapped, taking out all the anger that Raven was pretending to have. "Tony and Karen were good people, and you're making jokes."

"I'm not joking, Ponch." Dean countered.

Sheridan marches closer to Dean's side. Raven bristled by the door. "You murdered them in cold blood just like that girl in St. Louis."

"Oh, yeah. That wasn't me either." Dean admitted. "That was a shape-shifter creature that only looked like me."

Sheridan snapped. He grabbed Dean, dragging him up then against the wall. Raven jumped to his defense, her and Detective Ballard stepping up.

"Pete, that is enough!" Ballard shouted.

"Detective, let him go or I _will _encourage my client to press charges!" Raven shouted.

Dean stared down the detective. If this guy tried anything, Raven was gonna be locked up for murder right beside Dean. "You asked for the truth."

Sheridan dropped Dean. He pushed his way out of the room. "Lock his ass up."

Another officer did so. Ballard followed after her partner. Raven stayed behind to watch Dean. The officer shoved Dean against the wall. He was able to wink at Raven. Raven winked back.

==GMB==

Detective Diana Ballard was having a weird day. See, it didn't start when her best suspect was a dead serial torturer. It started when her _report_ about that serial torturer suddenly filled up with '_dana shulps'_ over and over. When Dean Winchester showed them on the notepad, Diana admitted to feeling spooked _(pun not intended)_.

After her partner had assaulted their suspect, and the brother had jumped ship from a locked room, Diana needed a moment to sort herself out. She stepped into the bathroom when things got _worse._

All the taps started running, steaming up the mirrors. Those same letters appeared on the mirrors. Diana couldn't wipe away the word. Then she saw _her. _A woman with blonde hair, her throat split open.

Diana wanted to scream.

Which is when the lawyer walked in.

"Detective Ballard, are you alright?" Quinzel asked.

Diana stuttered again.

The lawyer looked Quinzel up and down. Quinzel's expression lit up. "You saw her." She reached for Diana's hand. "Come on."

==GMB==

Together, they entered Dean's interrogation room.

"Can we not?" Dean sighed. Raven moved Diana towards the opposite chair. "I'm a little tired, it's been a long day, you know, with your partner assaulting me and all."

"She saw her." Quinzel reported.

Dean paused. "What?"

"Our bloodthirsty Casper." Quinzel stated. "Detective Ballard saw her."

Dean glanced between Diana and the lawyer. "You sure?"

Quinzel held out her hand. Diana followed the silent command. Quinzel pulled back the sleeve to reveal the bruises that had suddenly formed on Diana's wrists.

Dean leaned back in his chair. "Huh."

Diana looked at the bruises. "Wha-that wasn't there before."

"Sometimes, ghosts come back as vengeful spirits." Quinzel began. "They want to come back to get revenge on people that hurt them. These ones are capable of murder. Other times-"

"How do you know this?" Diana asked, confused.

Quinzel smiled kindly. It was familiar, Diana couldn't place it. "Dean said Karen had bruises on her wrists. I'm willing to bet Tony had the same ones."

"Not sure why, though." Dean admitted. Diana stood up from the chair, turning away from them both to look at the mirror. "I know. You think you're going crazy. But let's skip that part, shall we? Because the last two people who saw this thing? Died, pretty soon after. You hear me?"

"You think I'm going to die." Diana realized.

Dean looked up at the lawyer. "You know how to find him?" Raven nodded, tapping her forehead. Dean shook his head. "Don't you start that whole '_twin telepathy'_ crap-"

"First motel listed in the phone book, under the name Jim Rockford." Raven listed.

Another fact caught Diana's attention. "Twins?" There was only one mention of twins in the Winchesters' file, one that had died a long while ago. Long before Sam had lost his girlfriend to a house fire, on the same night he'd lost his mother. She could see it now. Little things about the lawyer that looked so much like Sam Winchester, and that smile that looked exactly like Dean's. "But...the only report of a sister died."

Quinzel shrugged. "It's a long story, the fire was a cover for my abduction. Huh. Guess it wasn't that long a story...but yeah. I'm Millie Winchester. Always saving these two idiots from themselves."

"You're giving your brother up." Diana told Qu- Millie.

Millie shook her head. "Arrest him, hell even arrest me. But by those bruises, and from what I think happened in that bathroom, you're gonna let us save your life. Right?"

Diana remembered that woman's face- the blood pouring from her throat and the redness of her eyes...how in pain she had looked, and how awful it had all seemed. She thought about the pictures of Tony and Karen's autopsies, then imagined her own face over Karen's.

Her choice was obvious, even if it wasn't easy.

==GMB==

They drove there in Diana's car. Millie was in the passenger seat, giving directions to the motel.

"You were their lawyer?" Diana asked.

Millie nodded. "Graduated law school a couple years ago. And your system was easy to hack, sorry."

If Diana wasn't so scared for her life, she would've been offended on behalf of their security. "Why didn't we find you with Sam?"

"Went out for a soda, helps me think." Millie explained. "We got bigger issues than that right now."

They pulled into the motel parking lot. Millie knocked on the door for Sam's room. "Hey, we got a problem."

Sam opened the door. At the sight of the detective, he hesitated. Millie stepped in past him. Diana shrugged before following. She had already gone this far, right?

Inside, Millie was explaining it all to Sam. Diana showed off her bruised wrists.

"These showed up after you saw it?" Sam asked. Millie stood beside her brother.

"Yeah, I guess." Diana replied.

"All right. You're going to have to tell us _exactly_ what you saw." Sam prompted.

"You know, I must be losing my mind. You're fugitives." Diana said, probably more to herself than to Sam and Millie. "I should be arresting you."

"All right. Well, you know what? You can arrest us later, all right? After you live through this. But right now you've gotta talk to me. Okay?" Sam offered. Diana accepted the terms. "Okay, great. Now, this spirit. What did it look like?"

Diana swallowed, a heavy lump in her throat as she recalled it. "She was, um, really pale, and her throat was cut, and her eyes, they were like, this deep dark red? It appeared like she was trying to talk to me. But she couldn't. It was just... a lot of blood."

"You know what? Here." Sam guided the two women over to the room's dining table. "I've been researching every girl that's ever died or gone missing near Ashland Supplies." He gathered up the pictures.

"How'd you get those? Those are from crime scenes, and booking photos." Diana asked, accusingly.

"You have your job, I have mine." Sam excused. "Here. I need you to look through these, tell me if you recognize anyone."

Diana sat down to look through them. Millie walked over to Sam. "That many women?"

"I searched the buildings nearby too, just in case." Sam explained.

"Why not just...drive to the place now?" Millie asked.

"We have to be sure. You know that." Sam replied.

Millie sighed, her foot tapping beneath her. "I know...it's just- Karen died so fast. I don't want to lose anyone else in this case."

Sam nodded.

Diana held up a picture. "This is her. I'm sure of it."

Millie grabbed the picture and the report. "Claire Becker, 28 years old, disappeared eight or nine months ago."

"But I don't even know her. I mean, why would she come after me?" Diana asked.

"Arrested twice for heroic charges." Millie read off.

"You ever work narcotics?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, Pete and I did. Before Homicide." Diana answered.

"You ever bust her?" Sam asked.

"Not that I remember."

"Last seen entering- wouldn't you know it- 2911 Ashland Street." Millie reported. "Police searched it but couldn't find anything." She looked up at Sam. "So..?"

"So we can go check it out." Sam conceded. Millie pumped a fist. "You're digging when we find the body." She groaned.

"What?" Diana blinked. This wasn't a police procedure. Of any procedure Diana had heard about.

"Well, we gotta salt and burn her bones. It's the only way to put her spirit to rest." Sam explained.

Diana sighed. "Of course it is."

"It smells worse than you think." Millie assured her. She gave the detective a pat on the back. "And no. That wasn't meant to reassure you."

==GMB==

The twins lead Diana to the derelict building. It was on the edge of collapse by the look of it.

"So what exactly are we looking for?" Diana asked.

"A body." Millie supplied. "Or whatever gets the ghost angry."

Diana didn't like the sound of that.

Still, she helped them search the old supply store. The twins searched upstairs, Diana searched the floor level. The search was on for barely ten minutes before Diana found what Millie was talking about.

Claire appeared. Her arm reaching out towards Diana. The poor thing kept trying to speak, sounds coming out as wet unintelligible moans. Diana flinched back.

"Sam? Millie? Sam! Millie!"

The twins dashed down the stairs to her side. Claire vanished right before they arrived.

"Hey! Hey, we're here, what is it?" Sam asked. "What happened?"

"Claire-" Diana dragged off.

"Where?"

"She, she was here." Diana answered.

"You were attacked?" Millie looked around, like Claire would show up again.

"No. No, she was just like, reaching out to me. She was over there by the window." Diana pointed to where Claire first appeared.

It was a large store window. Though whatever was there was blocked by shelves.

"Here, help me move this." Diana ordered.

"Yes ma'am." Millie and Sam helped push the shelves aside.

The shelves were cleared to reveal the sign. _ASHLAND SUP_, with the _plies _faded off.

"Our little mystery word." Diana realized.

They followed the shadows from the sign. The sun had been shining through, casting the letters out on the wall.

"Now the extra letters make sense." Sam commented. He pulled out the EMF reader, approaching the wall.

"What is that?" Diana asked.

"Spirits and certain remains give off electromagnetic frequencies." Sam explained. He waved the EMF around the wall.

"So if Claire's body was here, that would indicate that?" Diana asked.

"Usually." Millie answered.

The EMF buzzed loudly. Sam turned to Millie, grinning. She gawked. "You weren't _serious_!"

Diana watched as Millie slammed a sledgehammer against the brick wall.

"I was a carrier pigeon for you." Millie reminded him.

Sam smiled, not caring any sympathy for his sister's plight. "And I'm very grateful. Make sure you don't hit the body."

Millie held the sledgehammer up. She pointed the top towards Sam. "Let's practice my aim on your head."

Looking at them now, Diana would never have known they were apart. Millie-Raven-whichever, she blended in so well with both brothers. After reading in the file that their sister had been dead, Diana had mourned the dead child. Now seeing that same child alive and well, happily working with her brothers hunting the dead.

'_The fire was a cover for my abduction...'_

Diana wondered what life could've been so terrible that Millie was willing to do so much for them. Diana remembered what she had told Sam this morning. That it had been too late for Dean, that Sam was a good kid, Millie looked just as good.

Was she doomed too? Doomed to be just as criminal as Dean Winchester did?

Millie was back at the hole, pulling back the now loose bricks. She winced. "Oh, yay. There's a corpse down there."

"You know? This is bothering me." Sam started.

"Well, your sister is digging up a corpse." Diana pointed out.

"No, not that. That's, uh, that's pretty par for the course, actually." Sam replied.

"No. We usually make Dean do it." Millie argued.

"Then what?" Diana asked.

"It's just, I mean, no vengeful spirit I've ever tussled with wanted to be wasted, so why the hell would Claire lead us to her remains? It doesn't make any sense." Sam mused.

"There's a reasonable explanation." Millie piped in. "But I don't like it."

"Why not?" Sam asked.

"In a minute, give me a hand." Millie instructed.

The twins worked to clear away the last of the bricks. They pulled out a body wrapped in a disgusting old blanket tied shut with rope. After they lowered it, Sam used a knife on the rope. The long dead body of Claire Becker was in the middle. Someone had tied a belt around her wrists, holding them together.

Diana held one of her own wrists out. The bruise matched the width of the belt.

"Her wrists. Yeah, they'd be bruised just like yours." Sam reasoned.

Something else caught Diana's eye. She reached for it. She raised the pendant of it- a rose held in a loop.

"You recognize it, don't you?" Millie asked, sympathetic and all too kind.

"It's rare. It was custom made over on Carson street." Diana reached below her shirt collar, pulling out a necklace just like Claire's- only shinier and new. "I have one just like it. Pete gave it to me."

==GMB==

Sam looked at Raven. "Your theory?"

Raven was shaking her head, rising to her feet. "I overheard in the hall that Sheridan knew both victims, they were close friends. He only lashed out at Dean _after _mentioning _this building_."

"Now this all makes perfect sense." Sam replied.

"I'm sorry?" Detective Ballard eyed the hunters in offended confusion.

"Yeah. You see, Claire is not a vengeful spirit, she's a death omen." Sam explained.

"Excuse me?"

"It's not Claire committing these killings." She walked over to Detective Ballard. "She warns them, the bruises and the mangled letters. Earlier, I told you some spirits want vengeance. What I didn't get to say was some wanted _justice_. She led us here to find her body. She wants us to know who killed her." Raven slid her hands in her pockets. "Detective Ballard, how much do you know about your partner?"

Detective Ballard paused a moment. "Oh my god."

"What?"

"About a year ago, some heroin went missing from lockup." Detective Ballard recalled. "Obviously it was a cop. We never found out who did it. But whoever did it would need someone to fence their product."

"Someone like a heroin dealer." Sam started.

"Somebody like Claire." Raven finished.

==GMB==

See, they were supposed to be driving back to the precinct. Detective Ballard would report the body, and everything else would come after it. Then the detective got a call on her phone.

She spoke with them for a moment. "All right. Thanks." She ended the call.

"What is it?" Sam asked.

"Pete just left the precinct. With Dean." Detective Ballard informed.

"What?" The twins exclaimed.

"It's 2AM- they all just bought that?!" Raven asked. "And- and I'm his lawyer. Why the hell wasn't I called?"

"He said the prisoner had to be transfered, and he just took him. Dispatch has been calling but he won't answer the radio." Detective Ballard explained.

"Radio? He took a county vehicle?" Sam asked.

"Yeah."

"Well, then they should have a lo-jack, you've just gotta get it turned on." Sam explained.

Raven reached for her Bag. "I can get it up in five." She pulled out a laptop, pushing it open.

"Five?"

"Would've been ten, only I broke into their system earlier-"

"Alright, alright." Sam stopped her. "Just...track it."

Raven nodded.

==GMB==

Sheridan stood above Dean. His issued weapon pointed at Dean's head. Dean was kneeling on the ground.

Raven went for one of her guns. Sam put his hand on her's to stop it. The twins exchanged a look.

"Wait! Wait. Let's, let's talk about this." Dean tried to reason with the guy. He knew he was working on the fly. He had no way of knowing his siblings were in the darkened tree lines behind him. "I mean, you don't want to do something that you're gonna regret later." The gun clicked. "Or maybe you do."

Ballard stepped out from their hidden spot. "Pete! Put the gun down."

Sheridan turned his head towards her, confused. "Diana? How'd you find me?"

Raven preened. She had done it in four minutes. She was so telling Dean that when they saved him.

"I know about Claire." Ballard revealed.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Sheridan denied.

"Put the gun down!"

"Oh, I don't think so. You're fast. I'm pretty sure I'm faster."

"Why are you doing this?"

"I didn't do anything, Diana."

"It's a little late for that."

Dean looked over at his siblings. Raven dragged her hand over her coat pocket. Dean gave a small shake of his head. Raven would hold back her fire until needed. She was faster than Sheridan, Dean was certain of it.

"It wasn't my fault. Claire was trying to turn me in, I had no choice."

"And Tony? Karen?"

"Same thing! Tony scrubbed the money, he got skittish, and then he wanted to come clean. I'm sure he told Karen everything."

The siblings looked at each other again. Raven again reached for her gun. Sam seemed content to let her do it. Dean shook his head again. Sam bristled. Raven gave a small nod of her head.

"It was a mess; I had to clean it up. I just panicked." Sheridan excused.

"How many more people are gonna die over this, Pete?"

"There's a way out. This Dean kid's a friggin' gift." Raven inched her fingers over her pocket again. "We could pin the whole thing on him. Right? No trial, nothing. Just, just one more dead scumbag."

"Hey!" Dean took a dislike to being called a scumbag. Sheridan moved his gun. Dean settled.

"No one will question it. Diana, please. I still love you." Sheridan pleaded. Ballard lowers her gun. "Thank you. Thank you." He moved to make his kill.

Ballard didn't let him try.

She fired off one shot. Sheridan fell over, clutching his stomach. Dean rolled back. Raven rushed to his side, kneeling to make sure he was out of harm's way.

"Then why don't you buy me another necklace, you ass?" Ballard snapped.

Sheridan tackled her back down. The gun was lost in the tussle. Sam reached for the fallen gun.

"Don't do it! Don't do it!" Sheridan warned.

Everyone froze. Not at Sheridan, nah that was weak sauce compared to the ghost of Claire standing behind him. Sheridan turned to where everyone was looking.

Raven gave Claire time to smile before shooting Sheridan in the back. Sheridan fell down without a sound.

_Justice._

==GMB==

The Winchester siblings were giving Diana a moment. She was kneeling by her old partner. Work partner, love partner, all of it. Now Pete was gone...dead. He had killed so many others to cover up his crimes...

Diana put herself together. It was time to work for a living.

"You doin' alright?" Sam asked.

"Not really." Diana answered. "The death omen Claire. What happens to her now?"

"She's at rest now, justice was served." Millie explained.

"So, uh. What now, officer?" Dean asked.

Diana braced herself. She had to be strong to carry this out. She knew she would be. Millie was right- Pete's victims needed justice. "Pete did confess to me. He screwed up both your cases royally. I'd say that there's a good chance that we could get your cases dismissed."

"You'd take care of that for us?" Sam asked.

"I hope so." Diana admitted. "But the St. Louis murder charges? That's another story. I can't help you. Unless... I just happened to turn my back, and you walked away. I could just tell them that the suspects escaped."

"Works for me." Millie cheered.

"Wait, are you sure?" Sam asked Diana.

"Yeah, she's sure, Sam." Dean scolded.

"No, it's just, I mean, you could lose your job over something like that." Sam explained.

"If she's offering, then she's sure." Millie countered.

"Look, I just want you kids out there doing what you do me, I'll sleep better at night." Diana told them. "Listen, you need to watch your back. They're gonna be looking for all of you right now. Get out of here. I gotta radio this in."

Dean scratched his head. "Hey, uh, you wouldn't happen to know where my car is, by chance?" Dean asked.

"It's at the impound yard down on Robertson." Diana explained. Dean and Millie exchanged a look. "Don't... even think about it."

Millie crossed her heart. "Wouldn't dream of it."

"It's okay, it's all right, don't worry. We'll, uh, we'll just improvise." Sam gave him siblings scolding looks. They both wore properly chastised looks. "I mean, we're pretty good at that."

Diana didn't believe their looks for a second. The very first thing they would do was collect that car. "Yeah. I've noticed."

The group parted ways.

==GMB==

The Winchesters were walking up the dirt road. It was a long walk back to Robertson for Baby.

"Nice lady." Sam praised.

"I liked her." Raven agreed. "She was fun."

"Yeah, for a cop." Dean countered. "Did she look familiar to you?"

Sam and Raven exchanged looks. They turned to Dean.

"Can't say." Raven answered.

"No, why?" Sam asked.

"I don't know. Anyway, are you hungry?" Dean prompted.

"Starving." Raven replied.

Sam shook his head at his sister. "No." Who could eat after digging a dead body out of a wall?

"For some reason I could really go for some pea soup." Dean mentioned.

"Yes!" Raven agreed. She slapped Dean's shoulder. "Lunch, after we get back Baby. We're getting pea soup."

"Awesome." Dean cheered.

Sam wondered why the gods cursed him with the Winchesters.

**==GMB==**

**AN: So...I finally finished it. This chapter was meant to be like 900 words, focusing mainly on Raven escaping with Sam. But then...but then I got the lawyer idea...and it turned into *waves arms wildly* this.**

**Also it's my birthday so I'm excited!**

**Thanks to Aurora the Void Dragon and demonicKitsune2 for favoriting and following**


	8. Demons Lie

The thing is, Dean Winchester wasn't an idiot. He was just stupid. That's what some people got wrong. They thought he had to be one or the other. They forget they Dean put together the biggest bass, or figured out the solutions long before Sam.

This case let Dean Winchester _shine._

Dean figured out the hunt- Crossroad Demon partnered with Hellhounds. How? Because he listened to _Crossroad Blues _by Robert Johnson.

Dean realized the way to stop the demon. Sam stated behind to watch over the new victim. Dean was keeping everybody safe, putting himself on the line to buy time for the victim.

He paid a price for it. Not a Deal, no not yet. That would come later. This price? It was knowledge.

Cursed knowledge.

Knowledge that tore him apart inside.

==GMB==

Dean knew that Raven knew already. She said as much months earlier. If he were honest, he saw it too. He never wanted to admit it was true. He couldn't admit what it.

Rage settled in his chest. This rage was a slow boil, hearing and twisting inside of him. It made his stomach upset- swirling and giving him the impression his lunch wanted to see him again. There was this yell caught in his throat. The kind of yelling Dean didn't often do when it was about Dad, or feelings. With the way he felt, Dean wanted to scream until the whole world righted itself.

He earned that. Dean earned the right to a happier world, hadn't he? He brought his family back together- including a sister he'd never known. How hadn't that earned the Winchesters some fucking peace?

Their dad was a genius. He always was good with coming up with plans, of doing things the smart way to get the monster. Was Dad giving up his soul part of that plan? That- that maybe he would come back after Dean killed that yellow eyed son of a bitch.

That was pure wishful thinking. There was no room for wishful thinking in hunting.

==GMB==

Dean revealed what he learned from the demon. Sam listened in dismay, while Raven was concerningly silent.

Raven was a talker. So many of their drives were filled with Raven rambling about something with Sam over the music. Or telling jokes with Dean that had him busting his guts. Raven only got quiet when she was scared. When the thing in her head- demon powers or whatever- were scarier than Raven thought others could handle.

Did she see this in a vision? Of Dean finding out about his dad? Raven's visions usually involved death. Weber's powers got stronger with repeated use, maybe the same was true for her.

"Demons lie all the time, right? Maybe she was lying." Sam reasoned. He didn't want to believe. _Dean_ didn't want to believe it.

"Come on. That really what you think?" Dean countered. Sam quieted, sinking deeper against his seat. "How could he do it?"

"He did it for Raven." Sam stressed.

Raven snorted behind them. "Yeah, that's gone _real_ well for me."

"How is she supposed to live with that?" Dean challenged Sam. "You know, the thought of him-"

Dean couldn't comprehend the weight on Raven's shoulders. Dean himself was hurt in that hospital, he was in a coma for awhile too. If he stayed in it longer...if he had been _worse_... Maybe in the original car crash, if he had sat on the side that got hit...he could've protected Raven but what would that have meant for Dad?

Would Dad still be in...

"_See, people talk about hell, but it's just a word." The demon taunted him. "It doesn't even come _close _to describing the real thing."_

"_Shut your mouth, bitch."_

"_If you could see your poor daddy? Hear the sounds he makes 'cause he can't even scream?"_

"-wherever he is right now." _Demons lie. Demons lie. Demons lie._ "I mean, he spent his whole life chasing that yellow-eyed son of a bitch. He should have gone out fighting. _That_ was supposed to be his legacy. You know? Not bargaining with the damn thing. Not _this_."

"_If you could see your poor daddy? Hear the sounds he makes 'cause he can't even scream?"_

"Dean, how many people do you think Dad saved? Total?" Sam prompted.

"That's not the point, Sam." Dean answered. Dad wasn't always able to save every person. Sometimes they were used as bait, like Jo's dad. Stopping the monsters was always more important.

"Evan Hudson is safe because of what Dad taught us." Sam told his brother. "_That's_ his legacy, Dean. But we're still here, guys. So we gotta keep going, for him."

"That's a good point." Raven mused.

"You weren't with him long, Raven, but you're plenty capable of protecting people." Sam reasoned. "Dad knew that you could do it."

Raven was quiet. Dean glanced at her in the rear view. She was looking down at her Bag, rubbing her thumb on the pinned buttons.

"Dean?" Sam asked.

Dean hadn't heard a question. He might've missed it. "Yeah." He answered.

"When you were trapping that demon, you weren't- I mean, it was all a trick, right?" Sam asked him. Dean's grip tightened on the wheel. "You never considered actually making that deal, right?"

Dean glanced out the window, in thought.

_Demons lie_

_Demons lie_

_Demons lie_

"_Can you bring him back? My dad?"_

"_Of course I can. Just as he was. Your dad would live a long and natural life, like he was meant to. That's a promise."_

"_What about me?"_

"_I could give you ten years. Ten long good years with him. That's a lifetime. The family can be together again. John, Dean, Sammy, and Millie. The Winchester all reunited." The demon stepped forward. Her human eyes poorly hiding the monster inside. _"_Look. Your dad's supposed to be alive. You're supposed to be dead."_

"_Me? He- it was Raven's life." Dean was confused. Raven was the one chased by a Reaper, the one that barely got away. _

"_She stepped in for you. Caused quite a stir downstairs. So we'll just set things straight, put things in their natural order. And you get ten extra years on top. That's a bonus."_

Dean wasn't saying anything. Instead, he reached for the radio to turn it up. The music was blasting at his head. It was just barely below '_too loud'._

Sam looked over his shoulder. Another look in the rearview showed Raven shrugging, shaking her head with her lips pressed in a thin line.

"_She stepped in for you"_

_Demons lie_

**==GMB==**

**AN: The alternative title: **'_**Hard Working Doggo's'**_**. Those hellhounds are such good puppers doing their jobs. Crowley must be so proud. **


	9. Infections of the Demonic Kind

Raven hated zombie movies. That was a thing, a big thing. Her sister asked once to be taken to a zombie movie, Raven said no. They disturbed her. Not more than vampires, nothing ever could. Zombies were close though. The only real difference was that zombies didn't care- _couldn't_ care- about anything. They just wanted to eat. Vampires had the capacity to say _no, not yet._

Zombies were fucked up.

Raven dreamt of River Grove, Oregon. She woke up panting and shaking. She saw Sam in a similar state.

_Fucking dammit_

==GMB==

Sam found the city quickly. The vision showed them both a clue that made the location River Grove, Oregon the only choice.

Raven ignored the fear settling in her gut. That was a constant thing anyway.

==GMB==

The whole town was infected.

Raven cocked her gun, firing off headshots.

_Whole town was infected!_

==GMB==

The Winchesters secluded themselves at a local clinic. There was a handful of survivors there too...not many, barely enough to be a fighting force. Raven could only watch as her and Sam's vision came to fruition.

All she really needed to do was convince Dean she was a good person that wouldn't _dare_ kill someone who _might_ be innocent. Nope. Not Raven, she would never.

...yeah she was in trouble.

Duane looked lost, looking around the group of survivors. Raven wanted to tell him about the rest of the family. He was so upset already at the mention of his mom. If Raven hadn't known he was possessed by a demon, she would feel genuine empathy for this guy.

"Dean, we gotta talk to you. Now." Sam ordered.

Dean obeyed. He nodded at another survivor, giving him temporary authority while the hunters were gone.

"Sit in that chair." The survivor ordered Duane.

==GMB==

Getting Dean Winchester to do something was always an uphill battle. There wasn't a good chance of that here in this place. Sam was better at that than Raven would ever be. The fight Raven was fighting here was different than whether Duane should live or die.

It was if Raven was human enough to live.

She saw it sometimes. The look on Dean's face, whenever Raven said something too dark or upsetting or the like. The comments that were just a little too sadistic, too _demonic_. The same for whenever Sam was so set on a path, a path that John would've agreed with in another life.

They never seemed enough for Dean.

He would never kill her, Raven was sure of that. Even if she wasn't his long lost sister, Raven was still a good friend to the Winchester. He wouldn't let her die. It would upset him and Sam too much.

"This is our vision, Dean. It's happening." Sam told him.

"Yeah, I figured." Dean replied.

"You can't kill him, all right? Not yet. We don't know if he's infected or not." Sam insisted.

"It looks bad, we know, we just need to be sure." Raven explained.

"Well, I think we're pretty damn sure." Dean told them. "Guy shows up out of nowhere, he's got a cut on his leg, his whole family's infected?"

"All right, then we should keep him tied up, and we should wait and see." Sam offered.

"For what? For him to Hulk out and infect somebody else? No thanks, can't take that chance." Dean argued.

Raven and Sam put themselves between Dean and the door. "We can't let you kill him." Raven insisted. Dean killing that man meant a personal failure, that Dean's hard choice here would be that much worse when it was their turn.

"Hey look, man, I'm not happy about this, okay? But it's a tough job and you two know that." Dean reminded them.

"It's supposed to be tough, Dean. We're supposed to struggle with this, that's the whole point." Sam argued.

"We're not hunters that '_shoot first, ask questions later'_ people." Raven added. "We gotta be smart about this."

"What does that buy us?" Dean asked.

"A clear conscience, for one!" Sam snapped.

Dean scoffed. "Well, it's too late for that." He tried to push through them.

Sam- this taller and stronger Winchester- pushed Dean back. "What the hell's happened to you?"

"What?"

"You might kill an innocent man, and you don't even care! You don't act like yourself anymore, Dean." Sam told him. "Hell, you know what? You're acting like one of those things out there."

Dean confirmed that. He pushed Sam to the side, Sam stumbling towards a wall. Raven took his place. Dean narrowed his eyes at her, preparing to throw her too.

"Try it." Raven challenged. "See how many bones I break."

"Raven. We can't take chances." Dean warned her.

"Exactly."

Dean rushed at her. Raven easily side stepped. She tried to slam her fist on his back. Dean must've known she would try that. He kicked at her leg, throwing off her balance. By the time she righted herself, Dean was locking the door.

"Hey!" She yelled. Oh she was gonna punch him when they got out.

Sam joined her. He tried to open the lock. It wouldn't give.

"Open the damn door, Dean! Don't do it, Dean! Don't!" Sam shouted.

"I'm gonna kick your ass when I get out here!" Raven yelled.

==GMB==

Dean didn't kill Duane.

He did get punched by Raven four hours later.

Duane's results kept coming up clean. Raven stayed distant from everyone besides Sam. Him, she could trust in not being infected. Dean was more likely to get punched again. Dean knew it too. Every time he looked Raven's way, he braced himself.

Being locked in a room wasn't Raven's idea of a good time. A lot of therapy went into making sure she didn't have a panic attack. So no, she did not feel sorry for Dean right now.

Nor did she feel sorry for Pam, while shooting the back of her head. The only problems were that Pam still bled on Sam and the blood spatter splashed back on Raven.

Damn.

==GMB==

Raven's hand was on Sam's shoulder. Usually, she was a lot better at giving comfort. Sam looked a minute away from crying. As far as he knew, he was about to be shot down. Raven was the only one who knew better. She couldn't exactly say 'hey we're immune to the Croatoan virus because we have demon blood!' Both the Winchesters would freak out.

Dean was arguing with the doctor and Mark about it. Dean insisted nobody was shooting his brother and sister. Mark was saying that pretty soon, they wouldn't be.

Daune tried butting in. Raven wanted to shoot him quiet. She told him as much.

"Dean, Raven, they're right." Sam stated, speaking up for the first time since the incident. "We're infected. Just give me the gun and I'll do it myself."

"No." Raven sat up. She moved to put herself ahead of Sam, blocking him from any weapon or thing he could harm himself with. "No. We don't know for sure. Nobody's dying until we know for sure."

"Forget it." Dean agreed.

"Dean, Raven, I'm not gonna become one of those things." Sam told them.

"Sam, we've still got some time." Dean argued.

"Time for what? Look, I understand he's your brother, and I'm sorry, I am. But we gotta take care of this." Mark reached for his gun.

Raven would've pulled out her's, except there was a chance Sam could snatch it from her. Raven wasn't going to lose a twin today- not again. Not for something easily preventable that didn't even fucking matter.

"I'm gonna say this one time- you make a move on him, you'll be dead before you hit the ground. You understand me? I mean, do I make myself clear?!" Dean yelled.

"Then what are we supposed to do?!" Mark yelled right back.

Raven wasn't going to let idiots kill her family. She'd just gotten it, just gotten siblings that weren't idiots and were smart around danger. If they died today, Raven was killing everyone in this Author-damned town.

Dean tossed Mark the keys to the Impala. If Raven were more clear headed, she would take that action for the shock that it was. Right now? She wondered how fast she could use those keys for a weapon against Mark. "Get the hell out of here, that's what. Take my car. You've got the explosives, there's an arsenal in there. You two go with him. You've got enough firepower to handle anything now."

"What about you?" Mark asked.

Dean said nothing.

Sam and Raven knew him. If Dean gave up those keys, then he was planning something Winchester Stupid.

"Dean, no. No. Go with them. This is your only chance!" Sam pleaded.

"You're not gonna get rid of me that easy." Dean argued.

"Wouldn't dream of it." Raven agreed.

"No, he's right. Come with us." Dean silently refused. "Okay, it's your funeral." Mark made his way towards the exit. Duane followed after him.

Dr Lee was the last to leave "I'm sorry. Thanks for everything, Marshalls.

"Oh, actually we're not really Marshals." Dean admitted.

Dr Lee blinked in confusion. "Um. Oh." She left with no further questions.

Dean shut the door, turning to face his siblings. Raven stood firm. She wasn't dying today, and neither were they. Murdering everyone in town was still an option. Sam was crying. Raven tried and failed to stop that. If she looked at Sam again, she might slap him. "Wish we had a deck of cards, or a foosball table or something."

"I've got some." Raven reached into her Bag. There was a deck of cards. They were Marvel themed, Dean wouldn't mind. "These good?"

"Yeah. Let's set it up-"

"Dean, Raven, don't do this. Just get the hell out of here." Sam pleaded.

"No way." Dean replied.

Raven handed over the deck. "We playin' Go Fish or poker?"

"I'm good for poker." Dean answered

"Raven, get out your gun. Dean, leave." Sam insisted.

"For the last time, Sam. No." Dean argued.

"I hid my gun where you can't use it." Raven answered. Deep in the Bag, a place where only Raven could reach.

Sam huffed in annoyance. He slammed his fist down, angrily glaring at them both. "This is the dumbest thing you've ever done."

Dean "Oh, I don't know about that. Remember that waitress in Tampa?" Dean joked.

Raven snorted. "Was that the one that asked if a cloud was full of water?"

"Yeah."

Raven winced. "Oh yeah, that was stupid."

"Dean, we're sick. It's over for us." Sam insisted. "It doesn't have to be for you."

"No?" Dean asked.

"No, you can keep going." Sam pleaded.

"Who says I want to?" Dean asked.

"What?" Sam asked like the very idea of Dean giving up gutted him.

It gutted Raven too. She was always better at hiding it, or moving on over the tough conversations.

Dean pulled out his gun. He walked away from the twins. Once he was a good distance, he put the gun on a filing cabinet. "I'm tired, Sam. I'm tired of this job, this life... this weight on my shoulders, man. I'm _tired _of it."

"So what, so you're just going to give up?" Sam scoffed. "You're just gonna lay down and die? Look, Dean, I know this stuff with Dad has-"

"You're wrong. It's not about Dad." Dean denied.

"Pull the other one." Raven accused.

"Okay, yeah, part of it is, sure, but-"

"What _is_ it about?" Sam pressed.

Dr Lee came back, pounding on the door. Raven got to cleaning up the cards as Dean opened the door for Dr Lee.

"You'd better come see this." She told the Winchesters.

All three followed Dr Lee outside. Them, Dr Lee, Mark, and Duane observed the empty streets. The quiet air of the town was unearthly, disturbing with the lack of...anything.

"There's no one. Not anywhere. They've all just...vanished." Dr Lee explained.

==GMB==

Sam and Raven were declared clear from the Croatoan virus five hours later. No specks of sulfur in their blood, or any odd behaviors.

Then again, none of the other blood samples had sulfur either. Dr Lee checked herself. Everyone was clean like the Croatoan virus was never a part of this town.

The Winchesters left it at that. The survivors agreed to part ways, probably also agreeing to never mention this town again. Raven wanted to stop Mark and Duane, to put a bullet in Duane's head. Normal bullets wouldn't work on demons. Still, it would make her feel better.

The boys agreed that this then had so many unanswered questions. What happened? Why now? Why did everyone disappear? Why were Sam and Raven the only two that made it?

The answers were in Raven's head. She was in no hurry to share.

The Winchesters drove out of town. They stopped by the side to assess themselves. Raven was grateful for the moment of peace while it lasted.

She recognized this stretch of road. She knew it like she knew most of the spots in _Supernatural._ The spots that caused the most pain, hurting her with a visceral pain. The same pain as expressed on the Winchester's faces, Raven felt back Home watching the show.

Dean handed her a beer. She accepted it, taking down half of it in a gulp. It hit her fast, a feeling of fog waving over her as the beer did it's work. She sat beside the boys on a fence, looking out on the road and the Impala.

"So. Last night. You want to tell me what the hell you were talking about?" Sam asked them.

"What do you mean?" Dean asked.

"Nothing weird happened last night. Same old, same old." Raven denied. She took another drink of the beer. She stocked up the other day, so her Bag came with provisions for when she finished this bottle.

"What do I mean? I mean you said you were tired of the job. And that it wasn't just because of Dad." Sam reminded them.

"Oh right. He lied about that." Raven confirmed.

"Forget it." Dean dismissed.

"No, I can't. No way." Sam shook his head.

"Come on man, I thought we were all going to die, you can't hold that over me." Dean countered.

"No, no, no, no. You can't pull that crap with me, man. You're talking." Sam insisted.

"And what if I don't?" Dean challenged.

"Then I guess I'll just have to keep asking until you do." Sam warned.

"I will also ask." Raven added in. "Hey. Hey Dean- come on, man, real talk."

"I don't know, man." Dean sighed. "I just think maybe we ought to... go to the Grand Canyon."

"What?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, you know, all this driving back and forth across the country, you know I've never been to the Grand Canyon?" Dean suggested. "Or we could go to TJ. Or Hollywood, see if we can bang Lindsey Lohan."

"That does sounds fun. But Dean." Raven leaned forward, looking Dean in the eyes. "Come on. It's okay. You can say it."

"I just think we should take a break from all this." Dean stated. "Why do we gotta get stuck with all the responsibility, you know? Why can't we live life a little bit?"

"That's fair, that's a completely fair question." Raven affirmed him. Affirmations were important when you were in a bad place. She wanted to help these boys however possible. "We can take a break. Go anywhere you'd like for us to go. First, you gotta tell us what's going on in your head."

Dean shook his head, looking down away from both of them.

Sam opened his mouth. Raven shook her head, asking for quiet. Sam gave it to her.

"Dean." Raven began. "We care about you, so much. You're our brother. You said a weight was on your shoulders. We'll help you carry it, whatever it is."

"I can't." Dean answered. His words were heavy and full of unshed tears. "I promised."

"Who?" Raven and Sam asked.

"Dad." Dean admitted.

"What are you talking about?" Sam asked.

Dean took a deep breath. "Right before Dad died, he told me something." He looked up, first at Sam then over to Raven. "He told me something about the two of you."

"What? Dean, what did he tell you?"

**==GMB==**

**AN: So...the show is over...and becoming gayer by the day. Latest news was "Spanish dub" is canon, CW isn't, and the Rogue Translator is our new god. Now that everything is on the table it's time to lay in the groundwork to make this fic super gay. My peak writing style is "piss off the homophobes".**

**Happy Thanksgiving to all angels, bisexual hunters, and LGBTQ+ people dealing with said homophobes. I've adopted all of you, message me for positive parent messages. **

**Thanks to ****Mata-NuiXIII ****for following!**


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